We all know a friend who mysteriously disappears as soon as he is in love, then who reappears after a break. A phenomenon that the influencer Tiktok and American podcaste Tinx baptized the “Boyfriend Sickness”, which could be translated as “Gry-ad illure”. How to explain this attitude, oh how unpleasant for those who live it? According to experts interviewed by the Washington Post, this trend affects all genres and all sexual orientations.
A normal phenomenon, although destabilizing
According to Amir Levine, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Columbia, in the United States, this type of situation is frequent among young couples. And for good reason, when a romantic relationship begins, the brain attachment system is active. Even if friendships retain their value, the brain sets up a unique link with the new loved person, regardless of the attachment style – secure, avoiding or anxious. This is why, at the beginning of an idyll, our romantic partner occupies a predominant place in our thoughts and our choices.
The Boyfriend Sickness undermines friendships
However, disappearing from his friendly circle for some time can have deleterious consequences on our friendships. The friend with which we spent a lot of time can suddenly feel abandoned. Charlotte Fox Weber, psychiatrist, even goes so far as to say that it “Maybe threatening and even resemble the loss of someone. There can be great social pressure forcing to say how happy we are for this person. A part is happy, but we still feel abandoned.” It is therefore essential to continue to feed the friendly link, even when you are in love. Paratusance also, if one has the impression that the new partner of a friend seeks to keep him away from his friends and his family, because it can be the sign of a beginning of unhealthy, insecure, even abusive relationship.
A trend most often transient
“Human beings are nuanced, but most of the time there is a person at the top of our emotional hierarchy”says the academic. According to him, this link is built when two individuals spend long moments together, often away from others. These privileged moments activate the brain reward system, making the company of the other extremely pleasant and separation difficult to live. The oxytocin, hormone produced by the hypothalamus, nicknamed the hormone of love and attachment, also plays a key role by strengthening proximity. On the other hand, once the romantic relationship is well established and you feel safe, it again becomes possible to open up to friendly relationships. Amir Levine also notes that, when an emotional bond settles, couples often seek to mix their social circles.