A truth that can hurt. According to a survey conducted in England a few years ago, 50 % of women in a couple (out of 1,000 women questioned) have already thought of a replacement in the event of a rupture. Just in case. So that makes one in 2 women who would have a plan B, very often an old friend who has always had feelings, an ex-girlfriend or a colleague … In short, a person known for more than 7 years. A question of anticipation that raises questions about the sincerity of their love? Not necessarily.
An emotional safety net
Depending on the conclusions of the study, this plan B (or at least “the impression of having a plan b) would actually play the role of emotional assurance. Even engaged in a stable relationship, some women would thus keep contact – real or symbolic – capable of supporting them if things go wrong.”In a couple, anything can happen “sums up Oneepoll, who underlines how much this practice aims above all to reduce love uncertainty.
An idea that is more fantasy than reality
For clinical psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, this observation echoes what she observes in consultation:
“I did not know this study, but the background is interesting. And I think there is something true in it. After, fantasy or reality? To see. Is there really a hidden Crush, or is it above all a way of reassuring?
Indeed, this “plan B” does not necessarily imply a lover, in the starting blocks, ready to jump. It can also be an idealized ex, a vaguely attractive colleague or even a simple imaginary projection. A kind of interior scenario that allows you to say: “If it stops, I won’t fall into a vacuum. I too will get out of it. “
A psychological crutch more than an adultery
Amélie Boukhobza insists: this mechanism should not be confused with assumed infidelity.
“Psychologically, that said rather something of fear of abandonment. We better support a weakened relationship when we tell ourselves that we will not be completely alone if she fails. It is an adultery, not an adultery. And in fact, this plan B is rarely a real romantic project.”
In other words, the presence of this “second man” acts as internal insurance, an imaginary safeguard which allows to better tolerate the uncertainties of life for two. In reality, there is not really to be wary of each colleague or male friend of his partner … if all is well.
Living with uncertainty: what if it remained us?
If this phenomenon can worry certain men, it mainly translates a universal fragility: the fear of being alone. For many women, maintaining this “rescue outcome” is less a betrayal than a means of dealing with the anxiety of the modern couple. As for men, the investigation concludes: “”This news could lead some men as a couple to think twice before taking out the trash cans or choosing an evening at the pub instead of a comfortable evening with her partner. “ What if the imaginary competition had the power to review its priority and strengthen its couple?