According to a recent study published in the journal Personal Relationshipstaking a few minutes to calmly reflect on a couple disagreement can build confidence in one’s ability to resolve it and reduce the distress felt. Conflicts are inevitable, but the way we manage them strongly influences our well-being and the quality of the relationship.
Learn to manage conflict
“Conflicts in relationships are common and a source of distress. It is important to learn how to manage them effectively,” said Denise Marigold, corresponding author and associate professor at Renison University College, affiliated with the University of Waterloo. “There are good programs to improve your communication skills, but they require a significant investment (time, money, etc.). We wanted to test easy-to-implement approaches to encourage more constructive conflict resolution.”
To do this, the researchers conducted two studies, each involving participants in a relationship who had recently faced significant conflicts with their partner. The first included 358 participants, the second 411. Both surveys were carried out online, via questionnaires.
Two studies to test methods of reflection
In the first study, participants were asked to report a conflict they had recently faced in their relationship. They were then randomly divided into two groups: a focus group, and a control group. People in the focus group were asked to answer six questions to better understand the causes of the conflict and how it could have been resolved. Those in the control group simply had to complete a personality questionnaire. Researchers found that taking time to calmly think about conflict and its possible solutions could increase people’s confidence in their ability to manage it and reduce associated negative emotions.
In the second study, the researchers wanted to compare the simple version of reflection to two more elaborate versions. After describing a recent conflict, participants were randomly assigned to three forms of reflection: simple, adapted, or enriched. The adapted version required viewing the conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party and identifying the obstacles to its resolution. The enriched version added elements to better recognize emotions, encourage compassion and help better manage future conflicts.
The researchers found that three forms of reflection all improved participants’ well-being, with no notable difference between them. This suggests that the main benefit comes mainly from thinking about the conflictrather than the complexity of the exercise.
Results and limitations of the study
“Thinking constructively about a conflict, understanding why it happened, how it could have been better managed and how to act in the future can help you better cope with future conflicts,” Marigold explains. “Taking a step back rather than ruminating or looking for someone to blame reduces distress and builds self-confidence in the face of future conflicts.”
The results are promising, but the study has limitations. It relies on self-reports of efficacy and distress, which can be biased, and does not examine long-term effects on conflict behavior or relationship quality. “We only measured the immediate effects of the intervention,” explains Marigold. “Monitoring is necessary to evaluate its concrete impacts during real conflicts,” she concludes.