For some time now, you have been feeling decidedly alone, while your loved one comes home every evening. A paradox which may be due to a lack of commitment on his part (you carry the entire organization of the house on your shoulders) or to exchanges which have become rare and superficial. Result: an emotional distance has gradually established between you. How then can we reduce this gap and start to truly share your daily life again? A psychologist answers.
Feeling alone together: a common discomfort
It happens, within the couple, to feel a form of loneliness despite the presence of the other. This emotional shift, often silent, can set in gradually and create real discomfort.
In this context, remember to ask yourself the right questions: Why do you feel abandoned? Is this discomfort constant or temporary? And does it appear during particular periods (back to school, school holidays, transition times, etc.)? Finally, what projects do you no longer share?
Once the causes of this marital fatigue have been identified — whether they are linked to the arrival of children, mental overload or a mode of functioning that has become unsatisfactory — “expressing what’s going on inside you is a good idea“, admits Pascal Anger. Because putting words to your emotions constitutes a first step towards a possible “rebalancing” of the relationship.
Only then can it be time to take action.
Reconnect: instructions
When distance sets in, it is often linked to an accumulation of small shifts in daily life: fewer exchanges, more fatigue, a routine that takes over. Fortunately, it is possible to reverse the trend by reintroducing, little by little, moments of (re)connection.
The objective here is not to change everything overnight, but rather to recreate connections through simple gestures.
At the same time, it is essential to stay attentive to your own needs: a balanced couple also relies on two individuals who feel good, each on their own.
Then, consider adopting these few simple reflexes that will help you feel less alone in your relationship:
- Recreate moments of complicity: “give yourself some time off as a couple, outside of the usual framework: a walk, a dinner, a weekend… These moments allow you to break away from the routine and relaunch the dialogue” ;
- Don’t neglect your desires or your needs: fatigue, frustration, need for attention… Identify what you feel and dare to express it. “This prevents discomfort from taking hold.“, warns Pascal Anger;
- Find sources of fulfillment, for you and your couple: “personal activities, projects, hobbies… Taking time for yourself contributes to your balance and, in turn, to that of the couple.”
What should you do if, despite everything, you find yourself at an impasse?
“It may be time to consider support from a professional: marriage counselor, couples therapist… In any case, do not stay too long in this vicious circle which maintains what is wrong,” recommends Pascal Anger.
“And if the imbalance is confirmed – and communication is broken – we must then see what possibilities remain open, and how the future can be envisaged,” concludes the expert.