The cliché is that women are “too sentimental” and regret one-night stands more than men. A vast international study clearly shows a gap in regret… but it comes neither from a more severe morality, nor from a mysterious “feminine nature”. At the center of the equation, we find above all sexual satisfaction, and more precisely the achievement of orgasm.
When women sleep with men, they enjoy less, feel uncomfortable or judged more often, and later report more regret. Behind this observation, researchers describe a much more nuanced landscape than it seems.
Why do women regret one-night stands more often?
A one-night stand is defined as a single sexual relationship, with no expectation of follow-up. These sexual behaviors have become widespread in recent decades thanks to online apps designed specifically to find casual sex partners. Despite this, social and cultural attitudes toward casual sex vary widely between societies.
Sex without commitment is often motivated by the desire for physical pleasure, curiosity or the need for companionship, without the obligation of exclusivity. They can manifest through single encounters or repeated relationships. The emotional repercussions vary: some people keep their distance, while others develop feelings for their casual partners. Although many enjoy these interactions, it is common to feel regret after a one-night stand. Psychological studies have historically demonstrated that this feeling of regret is much more common among women.
An investigation into 1,075 one-night stands, especially in Europe
How can we explain these differences between the two sexes? To find out, Christina Sagioglou and Maximilian Dick, from the University of Innsbruck, interviewed online 1,075 people who had already experienced at least one “one-night stand”, including 651 women, with an average age of 25 years. The majority came from Germany or Austria, with also participants from the United States, Italy and Great Britain.
The very detailed survey asked participants: the total number of one-night stands they had had, the date of their last one-night stand, their romantic status at that time, the sexual activities practiced, details on the circumstances of the relationship, the nature of the relationship with the partner, the sex of the partner, the influence of psychoactive substances at the time of the facts and finally an evaluation of their experience and an evaluation of their personality.
Results: nearly 78% of respondents were single during their last one-night stand, 13% had just broken up and 8.5% were in a relationship. Around 75% had used substances, almost always alcohol, often after a party – 60% of encounters took place after a night out – and more than half had met the partner the same day.
Overall low regrets, but a clear gap in hetero
Contrary to popular belief, average regret scores remain low. About 47% of participants reported no regrets, and nearly 79% rated their last one-night stand neutrally or positively. Many therefore have rather good memories of it, whatever the genre.
As soon as we look more closely, a pattern appears: women regret more uniquely their heterosexual experiences. The researchers note that “women systematically presented more regret than men across all heterosexual one-night stand experiences“. About 70% of recent straight one-night stands experienced by women result in more regret than the average experience of men. In contrast, in encounters with a partner of the same gender, this gap almost completely disappears.
According to the researchers, this discovery challenges the evolutionary idea that women are naturally inclined to feel regret after casual sex. If this theory were correct, women would feel regret regardless of partner type. In fact, this study indicates that greater regret among women is associated with the particular dynamics of heterosexual interactions.
Orgasm, alcohol, social pressure: the cocktail of female regret
When the authors statistically model the factors at play, the heaviest variable is the sexual satisfaction – and more particularly the achievement of orgasm.
“Sexual satisfaction emerged as the strongest mediator, with achieving orgasm playing a crucial role“, the researchers wrote.
Orgasm alone would explain almost half of the difference in regret between heterosexual women and men. Men generally experience less regret after heterosexual sex due to their higher rates of orgasm and satisfaction. In contrast, women, who experience lower levels of satisfaction and orgasm, feel more pronounced regret. In these one-night stands, 93.3% of sex includes vaginal penetration, but men receive oral sex much more often than women (around 73% versus 46%) while receiving oral sex is associated with less regret, via higher satisfaction.
Alcohol, pressure, reputation, the cocktail that makes everything worse
Other ingredients are added. Alcohol follows a U-shaped relationship: a little already increases the risk of regret, strong intoxication makes it jump, for both sexes, probably because excessive alcohol consumption decreases sexual performance and decision-making capacity. Feeling subtly pushed to accept the relationship (a decision with little autonomy) also reinforces the discomfort, as does the fear for one’s reputation.
The researchers summarize that “The gender difference in regret after heterosexual one-night stands was entirely explained by sexual satisfaction, heteronomy (feeling pressured), intoxication, and concern for reputation“, before concluding: “Results indicate that improving the quality of experience, through mutual satisfaction and autonomous decision-making, offers the most promising route to increasing the positive effects of unique sexual encounters“.
Ultimately, this study is not just about casual sex, but about a broader imbalance: that of pleasure, consent and expectations in relationships. And she asks a simple question, but one rarely phrased so clearly — what if the problem isn’t the one-night stand, but the way it takes place?