In the subway or at the supermarket, you see a former colleague at the end of the aisle. Your heart gives a mini jump, your eyes immediately go back to your phone, and suddenly the pasta labels become exciting. Would you rather miss that “Hi, how are you?” rather than finding yourself stuck in an awkward small talk.
For psychology, this reflex of ignoring people in public is not necessarily coldness. It often refers to a very specific way of managing one’s social energy, one’s emotions and one’s limits. Behind this seemingly innocuous gesture hide seven traits that structure your personality. And these 7 traits say a lot about you.
Ignoring people in public: introversion and hypersensitivity to the fore
The first marker is often introversion. Psychologist Carl Jung described introverts as people who “turn toward their own inner world,” he explained, quoted by the Geediting site. He added: “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is a reaction, both are transformed.” For some, avoiding the encounter means avoiding an exhausting transformation.
Next comes hypersensitivity. In a noisy shopping center, the light, the sounds, the crowd are sometimes enough to saturate the brain. Psychologist Elaine Aron summarizes this profile: “Highly sensitive people are individuals who easily feel overwhelmed by stimuli that others would find tolerable.” In this context, adding a forced conversation with an acquaintance simply becomes too much.
Exhausting small talk: deep thoughts, need for sincere connections and privacy
Many people who shun small talk also describe themselves as deep thinkers, who like to think rather than talk weather. The psychologist Rollo May wrote: “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” Refusing facade exchanges can seem like this small refusal to comply with the obligation to always be talkative.
You may also place a high value on authentic relationships and discretion. Saying hello sometimes involves responding to “What are you becoming?” while you have no desire to open your private life. Sigmund Freud noted:
“A certain degree of neurosis is invaluable as a driving force, especially for a psychologist.” This need to preserve your secret garden also acts as a protective driving force.
Empathy, self-awareness… and limits of this behavior
Contrary to appearances, this reflex can go hand in hand with strong empathy. The agreed exchanges seem artificial to you, almost dishonest. For Daniel Goleman, “Empathy is the core competency for all important social skills at work.” Sensing the emotions of others can make ready-made formulas more difficult to pronounce.
Behind this scenario there is finally a great sense of self-awareness. You know which exchanges tire you and which nourish you. The psychologist Carl Rogers spoke of this inner movement: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.”
Accepting yourself as someone who does not like small talk does not prevent you from adjusting the cursor so as not to offend, with silence, those who simply come across you by chance.