Before becoming alarmed, the first essential thing to do is to play down the significance of our dreams. For Amélie Boukhobza, it is crucial to put things back in their rightful place. “A dream is not a big deal. You have to put things in their place. It is neither reality, nor even a disguised act. Even less a confession. The dream is a psychic space where everything circulates. Without filter. Without morals. And where the things in life are dealt with. That’s what dreams are for.”
When the ex becomes the symbol of a bygone period
So when your ex invites himself into your nights, it’s rare that it’s the character himself. Our unconscious often uses figures from the past to illustrate current issues.
“When an ex appears, it’s not necessarily him we find“, confirms our expert. “That’s what he represents. Or the reflection of a situation which, today, is being replayed. A period. A version of yourself. A way of loving, of desiring, or of suffering perhaps”explains the specialist.
The dream then acts like a director who uses ancient material to better illuminate our problems of the present.
Unknowns or fantasies: looking for the “what” rather than the “who”
The situation is the same when it comes to people outside your relationship. Nocturnal desire frees itself from conventions and real fidelity.
According to Amélie Boukhobza, the important thing is not the identity of the dreamed individual, but the message hidden behind it.
“Same thing when you dream of a stranger, or of someone other than your partner. Desire, in dreams, is rarely faithful to reality. What matters is not so much who… but what. What is it about? What does it touch? A lack? A curiosity? A need for recognition?” she lists.
When the dream becomes a warning signal
If the one-off dream is harmless, the repetition can become a valuable indicator. When the unconscious insists, it becomes necessary to listen to the message.
“Where it gets interesting is when it repeats itself. When we go from one-off to recurring… When the same person comes back, again and again and it leaves a mark when you wake up. That we are disturbed, excited, confused”underlines the psychologist.
The real tipping point therefore lies in the impact on your waking life.
“Or when it starts to create a gap in reality. We start to compare, to doubt, or to feel less invested in our relationship. Or, on the contrary, to feel guilty. Almost unfaithful for having dreamed that. That, perhaps, is worth stopping at.”
In summary, do not try to suppress these dreams or see them as a fault. Instead, view them as opportunities to understand yourself better.
As Amélie Boukhobza concludes, it’s less about worrying than listening. “To understand what is being said. A need that is not named. A tension that is not thought about. Or a desire that doesn’t find its place…”. It’s up to you to deduce what these dreams mean…