Living as a couple is not easy every day. We meet, we like each other, we make plans together, we commit… But according to a study carried out by FLASHS for Eve and Co, despite all the love felt, our marriages very often include an unexpected ingredient.
3 out of 4 women find their husbands annoying
This omnipresent ingredient in marriage… is annoyance, caused more precisely by your other half. Thus, if 90% of the 1000 married women surveyed say they are fulfilled in their marriage (phew!), there are still 75% (i.e. 3 out of 4) who say they feel annoyance or frustration towards their spouse more or less regularly.
For what ? There is no shortage of reasons to ruminate! First place is reserved for the spouse’s lack of participation in household chores, cited by 45% of participants. Then follow: the feeling of not being sufficiently considered (39%), the lack of involvement of the spouse in family life (25%). Disagreements over money management concern 19% of respondents, while 15% deplore the time their partner gives to friends or hobbies. Finally, a sex life deemed unsatisfactory was mentioned by 14% of the women interviewed. Enough to be annoyed from morning to evening.
A black spot that some keep to themselves
But then, what do these women do when they are annoyed? Fortunately, most (79%) do not hesitate to express what upsets them and burst the abscess quickly. 37% talk about it as soon as necessary, while 42% wait for a favorable moment or prefer to react when the tension becomes too high. However, 12% remain silent, thinking that their partner should understand their discomfort without explanation. Still others give up on any discussion: 4% because they consider their partner unreceptive, and 5% because they consider the process useless. Despite all these tensions, 70% of the women interviewed say they continue to deeply love their husbands.
Annoyance, the sign of the end of the couple?
In love, but annoyed. Could this negative feeling be so banal? “Yes,” replies psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, amused by the question. “Living as a couple also means tolerating the other in their version of everyday life. And his quirks… His noises, his tics, his delays, his little quirks, his slightly absurd habits. We can love deeply… and want to shake him when he chews too hard or forgets (again) to close the cupboard or lower the toilet bowl.”
But be careful, however, to know how to differentiate between everyday annoyance and being fed up. “Annoyance becomes a warning sign when it turns into contempt, coldness or constant weariness. When we only see the negative, and no longer what we admire or what we admired. What made us love each other… When we anticipate each interaction with exasperation. There, it is no longer the normal friction of life together, but a bond that is being damaged. Which fades away.“
According to the expert, being annoyed is human. Being irritated all the time is tiring. “And it is often the symptom of a discrepancy, of an unexpressed need.“So no, it’s okay to want to strangle him (in thought) because he still folds napkins badly. But if everything becomes cause for sighs… maybe it’s time to talk about it.