Ignoring your bank overdraft, putting off a delicate conversation, not seeing that a loved one is wavering… So many everyday situations that we choose, consciously or not, to put aside. Out of fear, out of discomfort or out of automatism. A behavior that has a name: the ostrich effect.
A way of approaching life by ignoring the problems that arise
Running away from unpleasant information so as not to see what bothers us is a very common attitude.
“We all do it, sometimes even without realizing it. We close our eyes… and we put off this “problem” until later. We convince ourselves that it will pass. We simply bury our heads in the sand. It’s ultimately a fairly banal mechanism: avoiding facing what’s disturbing. Out of fear and fatigue. Out of a need to preserve, at the moment, a certain psychological comfort“, relates Amélie Boukhobza.
But running away doesn’t erase anything.
“Problems that are put aside don’t go away. They accumulate and come back, often stronger, more invasive. In the moment, adopting this strategy is relieving. But it’s only pushing back to jump better“, continues the expert.
That being said, not wanting to see remains profoundly human, she explains.
“Not wanting to see that your loved one is sick or that their bank account is empty, for example. Because seeing is obligatory. To act. To change. Sometimes to lose or give up. But what we think we gain by avoiding, we pay for later“, she warns. “Indeed, the ostrich effect ends up slowing down, freezing, preventing. It cuts us off from the momentum, from the possibility of moving forward“, warns the practitioner.
So how do we get out of this vicious circle?
Facing your problems requires a certain amount of courage.
“Abandoning the ostrich strategy requires accepting discomfort, facing uncertainty, looking at what we preferred to ignore. But it’s often the only way to put an end to what’s going on in a loop. And above all, to become an actor (and therefore active) in your own life again“, assures Amélie Boukhobza.
How to go about it in practice?
“We can start with small things. Name what is disturbing. Talk about it, even a little. Because saying a word means no longer letting fear invade everything. Allow yourself to look in the face, without immediately looking for perfect solutions. And move forward, one step after another“, advises the expert.
A good idea?
- Make yourself one to-do list ;
- Note what needs to be tackled;
- Cross out every time an action is performed, even the smallest thing. Because crossing out feels good!
- When everything starts to move again, daily life is often improved, concludes the practitioner.