Saying “I love you” to your mother seems natural to some. For others, it is almost impossible. The words remain blocked, even when love is present. And this silence can sometimes become heavy… Psychologist Pascal Anger explains to us how to “unblock” ourselves and finally succeed in pronouncing these three little words.
“I love you“: why these words do not exist in certain families
In some families, feelings and gestures are easily expressed. We kiss, we cuddle, we say “I love you” all day long. In others, emotions are little (or even not) expressed. Modesty naturally takes precedence over effusion. Many grow up without ever hearing these three little words.
“It’s very generational, this story. But it still happens today. And to be able to say it to his parents, the child must have heard “I love you” during his childhood or he must work on himself to allow himself to say it“, explains Pascal Anger.
Indeed, when you have never heard these words, it is often very difficult to pronounce them in turn. This can be very uncomfortable. Some people even have the impression that these words “can’t be said.”
“Sometimes there is never an “I love you” in a family. This word has no place“, confirms the psychologist. And if these words are so difficult to formulate, it’s because they make us vulnerable. By saying “I love you”, we in fact expose a part of ourselves – the sensitive, emotional self – without knowing how the other will react. Result? Many prefer to avoid this awkward moment…
“Often, we are stuck in our feelings, in our emotions. Even though we would like to say “I love you” to our mother even more. But it has serious consequences, for ourselves and for others. What will she do with it? What will she respond?“, continues Pascal Anger.
Is there a right time to say it?
Many people are waiting for “the right moment” to say these famous three little words. But they are quickly overtaken by lack of time or courage. And then, one day, the relationship changes, the parents get older… and regrets suddenly appear.
“After a death, we often say to ourselves that we would have liked to say “I love you”. But, at the same time, it’s probably one of the hardest things in the world“, recalls the psychologist.
Please note that such a blockage does not necessarily reflect a lack of love for one’s parent: it often reflects a broader difficulty in expressing one’s emotions or finding one’s place in the relationship.
It’s never too late to express your feelings
Fortunately, there is no ideal age to say “I love you” to your mother (or father).
“There is always a moment when we will dare to take the plunge. Whether at 20 years old, 40 years old or 60 years old“, explains Pascal Anger.
Moreover, it is also possible to express your feelings differently: a letter, a piece of attention, a tender gesture or a sincere discussion can already change the relationship. And above all, you should not expect a “perfect” reaction in return.
“Too bad if the other reacts badly. That’s their problem. Our problem is being able to express what we wanted to say“, insists the psychologist.
Saying “I love you” must also be accompanied by a form of acceptance: you can love your mother while still being angry with her for certain hurts or misunderstandings. “At some point, you have to be able to tell him both (“I love you” and “I want you”), sorting through his story“, concludes Pascal Anger.
Ultimately, there is no one way to love your mother. Some relationships are very demonstrative, others more modest. But when an “I love you” gets stuck for years, it often says something deeper than just a difficulty finding the words.