Do you feel like you’re never doing enough? This feeling is unfortunately very widespread. Many people say to themselves that they could be more athletic, more productive, more caring… even better parents or colleagues. A syndrome that can be overcome with these few valuable tips.
The “always more” syndrome, a universal feeling
According to our expert psychologist, this persistent feeling of never doing enough could be called: the “always more” syndrome.
“It’s about this diffuse feeling which pushes us to think that we could do better, that we have not worked enough, not helped enough, not advanced enough. Not enough. Never enough! No matter the field: work, family, friends, personal development… there is always this little voice which whispers that it is not enough. A very tiring mechanism!”, underlines Amélie Boukhobza.
But why do we put this (gigantic) pressure on ourselves? It seems that the main culprits are the diktats imposed by our society.
“Because we live in a world where everything pushes for optimization: “being productive, efficient, fulfilled, in good shape, socially invested… A permanent injunction to do well, reinforced by social networks which expose models of success; often retouched. Over time, we end up no longer knowing what is “enough,” reveals the expert.”
How, in this context, can we escape this infernal spiral? While your habits (and your guilt) won’t disappear overnight, some easy tips to apply every day can improve your mental well-being.
Redefining your own “enough”
The idea here? Redefine your own expectations and desires.
“Stop taking the outside as a reference. What is good enough for someone else is not necessarily good enough for you – and vice versa. Set your own standards,”
advises Amélie Boukhobza.
Making peace with imperfection
Dinner isn’t ready and the house is a mess? Nothing dramatic. Your happiness (and that of your loved ones) is not based on these details.
“Wanting to do well is a beautiful intention. But aiming for perfection is condemning yourself to permanent dissatisfaction! Rather than always seeing what is missing, look at what is already done”, remarks the psychologist.
Measure what has been accomplished
Did you get a promotion? Or had twins this year? Maybe it’s (finally) time to congratulate yourself.
“We tend to only see what remains to be done. Take stock: what you have already advanced, resolved, learned. The perspective is thus modified. Personally I love the to do list that you check or cross off as you go along”,
confides the practitioner.
Identify mental automatisms
Feeling less competent than a colleague or less talented than your sister is not a coincidence.
“This inner voice which whispers “it’s not enough”, is very often the result of conditioning. Where does it come from? Is it a past failure, a demanding education with anchored negative and limiting beliefs? Or is it a fear of the gaze of others which influences this feeling? asks the specialist.
Agree to settle down
And yes! Lying on the sofa is not a waste of time – quite the contrary.
“Always doing more is often a reflection of an escape, a way of avoiding facing one’s own fears. Taking breaks without feeling guilty is also a way of regaining control,” concludes Amélie Boukhobza.