For many couples, moving in together is a big step. But this new life together, often idealized, also tests the strength of the union. You actually have to know… how to adjust! And those who know how to go through this stage with serenity are the happiest, according to Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
They talk about angry issues before they become problems
Being installed under the same roof often acts as a telltale sign. Little habits that were previously invisible suddenly become very present and can quickly create tension (not re-caping the tube of toothpaste, leaving your cup of coffee all over the house, etc.).
“Indeed, living together is not always rosy. Because loving someone and living with them are two different things…”, recognizes Amélie Boukhobza.
The specialist reminds us that each partner has their own little quirks on a daily basis… and their own organization.
“The way of tidying up. Managing money. Noise. Cleaning. Sleep. The need for solitude. The place of family. The relationship with work. Schedules… In short, everything that is part of everyday life”, explains the practitioner.
And if no couple escapes these differences in organization/management, the happiest couples in a household seem to be those who… dialogue. They take the time to discuss their expectations, their needs and their way of operating well before frustrations appear.
“What we see in these couples is not necessarily that they agree on everything. It’s that they talk about these differences before they become conflicts. They don’t wait for the annoyance to build up over months to discover that one needs calm when the other needs to have friends over every weekend.” indicates the expert.
They don’t just rely on love to make their relationship work
Many people imagine that when love is strong, everyday difficulties are resolved naturally. A belief that can lead to many disappointments. “Happily married couples know that living together involves negotiating. Making compromises.” underlines the psychologist.
In other words, those who get through this decisive stage better understand that cohabitation requires reciprocal adjustments.
“They accept that two family histories, two upbringings and two ways of functioning meet in the same space. And that the whole thing will not be perfect,” confides the specialist.
Then, they take care to preserve… their individuality. Because sharing the same roof does not necessarily mean doing everything together. “They keep activities, friends, moments of their own. Because living under the same roof does not mean merging,” observes Amélie Boukhobza.
Behind small arguments often hide real issues
Who has never experienced an argument over a dirty sock? Almost everyone. However, these tensions often tell something else.
“An argument over a towel left on the floor or an improperly loaded dishwasher rarely speaks about the objects themselves. Behind it, there is often a substantive subject such as a question of respect, recognition, mental load or feeling of being considered”, develops the expert. “So the strongest couples don’t just try to resolve the apparent problem. They also try to understand what it says about the relationship.” continues the practitioner.
Basically, there is nothing innate about living together. It is a learning process that requires dialogue, listening and a good dose of compromise.
“Moving together is the meeting of two often very different worlds which must learn to coexist”,
concludes Amélie Boukhobza.
Ultimately, the success of a life together does not rest on the absence of disagreements or on perfect compatibility. Rather, it is built on the ability to communicate, to respect the differences of others and to adjust one’s daily life without losing one’s identity. Because the most fulfilled couples are not those who never encounter obstacles, but those who learn, day after day, to overcome them together.