The heatwave warning which is currently affecting a large part of France could well turn into a storm warning in certain homes. Because, in very hot weather, it seems that we tolerate our partner less well and that sparks are more frequent.
The dating site Gleeden had already highlighted this during a survey carried out during a heat wave in 2020. During heatwaves, the frequency of arguments increased for 71% of respondents. Even more surprising: 4 out of 10 couples ended up sleeping in separate rooms during these episodes.
Just a coincidence? Not really. Because, in a relationship or not, heat has a well-known effect: it makes us more irritable. And when two people already affected by high temperatures live together, the risk of tension automatically increases.
Heat acts as a real voltage amplifier
For psychologist Aline Nativel Id Hammou, the first thing to understand is that we are not all equal when it comes to heat.
“Conjugation remains two individuals. We do not all have the same relationship with the heatwave. Some tolerate the heat very well, others much less. However, this will have a direct impact on behavior, the way of interacting and the general emotional state“, she explains.
Before even looking at what is happening within the couple, it is therefore essential to identify how each person is personally experiencing this scorching episode.
Because heat not only causes an unpleasant sensation: it also disrupts the functioning of our body. Fatigue, lack of sleep, difficulty concentrating, loss of attention, permanent discomfort linked to sweating or even an increase in cortisol, the stress hormone… All these factors create a breeding ground for clashes.
“The heat causes very powerful discomfort which acts as an amplifier of internal tensions. The body is under tension and this will cause psychology and behavior to react in a way that is not always appropriate.“, explains the specialist.
Result: we become less patient, less emotionally available and more likely to overreact to everyday annoyances. Not really the best version of ourselves.
Why the heatwave also complicates the intimacy of the couple
Extreme heat can also weaken another pillar of the relationship: physical intimacy.
“In a romantic relationship, there is the question of touch, physical proximity, sexuality. However, everything that happens at the biological level during the heatwave can have effects on the libido and on the ability to tolerate physical proximity with one’s partner“, underlines Aline Nativel Id Hammou.
When you are already hot, sweating a lot and feeling uncomfortable in your body, a simple hug can sometimes be experienced as an additional source of discomfort.
The psychologist also talks about the impact of heat on self-image: “When we sweat, when we can no longer get ready as we wish, put on makeup or do our hair, some people may avoid intimate encounters because they do not feel comfortable in their body..”
This reduction in tender gestures or sexual relations can then generate incomprehension and frustration within the couple.
Mini-conflicts that multiply
Another source of tension: daily management.
Between the children to look after, the meals to prepare despite the lack of appetite, the broken nights and the organization sometimes turned upside down by school closures or difficult working conditions, the mental load can quickly explode.
“We often hear couples say: “It’s hot, we’re tired.” This constant complaint can become difficult to hear when the other continues to manage household chores or children.“, observes the psychologist.
According to her, the heatwave mainly leads to an increase in small conflicts rather than major arguments.
“We have less empathy, less listening and less energy to verbalize what is wrong. We can then have the feeling that the other does not understand us or does not respect our needs.“
Furthermore, these episodes of intense heat can sometimes act as a revealer of difficulties already present in the relationship.
How to avoid “burning out” as a couple during the heatwave?
To get through this period without leaving your relationship behind, Aline Nativel Id Hammou recommends above all to be flexible and adaptable.
“We must validate together that everyone experiences the heat more or less well and accept that this period is difficult.“, she advises.
Among his recommendations:
- Respect your partner’s need for space and tranquility more;
- Do not force physical proximity or sexual intercourse;
- Reduce daily constraints as much as possible;
- Prioritize the truly essential tasks;
- Preserve sleep and hydration;
- Verbalize your discomfort rather than making the other person experience it.
“Do we really have to cook an elaborate meal? Can’t we just have a light dinner watching a series in front of the fan? Take a shower together? It is above all a matter of adapting to this physical discomfort which has repercussions on our emotions and therefore on our relationship.“, she concludes.
In short, if your partner seems particularly irritable these last few days, it may not be your relationship that is to blame, but simply the thermometer.