His son is now indicted for murder. Mathias T., 17, is in fact part of the group of five teenagers suspected of having participated in the death of Louis, also aged 17, in Narbonne. For what reasons? The exact circumstances remain to be clarified by the investigation. We only know that the young men knew each other through Child Welfare homes. But among those around the teenagers involved, the shock is immense. Laetitia, Mathias’ mother, spoke publicly with particularly strong words.
“I ban it completely”
On BFMTV, the mother, upset, spoke openly, as if to wash away the shame of this cruel act.
“He’s no longer my son, I ban him completely. It’s not possible. I don’t condone this kind of thing, this kind of act.”
His thoughts are above all with Louis and his family. As for herself, she describes a daily life that has become unbearable.
“I remain the mother of a murderer. I don’t live with him well, I have nightmares about him every night.”
Statements that challenge. Because, in cases involving adolescents, parents often appear silent or defend their child despite everything. Here, the rupture seems complete. But is it really possible?
“A child remains his child forever”
For Dr Jean-Christophe Seznec, psychiatrist, the words used above all reflect an extremely violent emotion.
“These are harsh and harsh words, because whatever happens, he is forever her son. She cannot deny that he is her child. On the other hand, she can say that she is setting a limit and that she totally disagrees with what he did.”
In other words, condemning an act does not necessarily mean breaking the parental bond. The specialist also invites us to take a step back before interpreting this statement as definitive.
“We don’t know the whole family history. Perhaps she speaks out of shock, anger or exhaustion from a difficult past. In these situations, we must always maintain a Cartesian doubt.”
According to him, it is preferable to distinguish two realities: the rejection of the acts committed and the rejection of the person themselves.
“Saying ‘I set a limit’ is not the same as saying ‘I definitely reject my child’”
Is there a breaking point to unconditional love?
If the sentence is upsetting, it is also because parental love is often presented as unconditional. However, certain extreme situations can profoundly upset this feeling.
“Yes, sometimes the relationship becomes impossible, whether with a child or with a parent“, recognizes the psychiatrist.
Certain values or behaviors can create an incompatibility such that maintaining the relationship becomes a permanent source of suffering.
“If a child or parent adheres to ideologies or commits acts that go completely against our deep values, it may become necessary to distance ourselves“, admits the doctor.
However, this does not mean that the filiation link disappears. “He remains our child. Putting distance does not erase the fact that he will always remain our son or daughter.”
A reaction to survive psychologically?
Finally, for Dr Seznec, the phrase “he is no longer my son” can also be understood as a psychological protection mechanism for this mother.
Faced with such an unbearable reality, the brain sometimes seeks to put away what causes too much pain.
“She is probably overwhelmed by pain. Since she cannot erase the crime, the only thing she can try to put away is her son. It is an emotional expression of her anger, sadness and despair“, explains Dr. Seznec.
Before commenting on the reaction in return, he adds: “We must not judge this mother. We must have compassion for her suffering.”
In other words, this declaration does not necessarily reflect a considered or definitive choice, but can constitute a way of supporting the unbearable.
Words for suffering, or a clear break?
One question remains: will a mother who says today “he is no longer my son” be able to think differently in a few years? For Jean-Christophe Seznec, no one can predict it.
“Everything will depend on the future, and the future we do not know. Today, what we can accept is the violence of his suffering.”
The specialist also recalls that, even after the most terrible tragedies, some parents continue to look for a bond, however fragile it may be. He cites in particular the novel and the film
We need to talk about Kevinin which a mother still tries to understand her son after a massacre committed by him.
“Fortunately, there are also ways of redemption and forgiveness. But today, this mother does what she can with a pain that is completely beyond her. And that belongs to her.”
A pain which takes nothing away from the immense pain of Louis’ family, but which reminds us that a tragedy of this magnitude also leaves families of authors confronted with a psychological upheaval from which no one emerges unscathed.