Deciding to change therapist when you have waited sometimes months for a place can be scary. In Germany, a July 2025 survey cited by the daily Der Tagesspiegel shows, however, that one in three people have already changed psychotherapists because they did not agree with the treatment, despite an average waiting time of around four months. The real question then becomes: at what point does discomfort in session signal a relationship problem rather than a difficult but useful passage of psychic work?
For Emine, of Turkish origin, this moment came with immense relief. After her first session with a new psychotherapist, she confided to the newspaper: “For the first time, I feel like I don’t have to justify everything“. She supposes that her former therapist did not understand part of her family and cultural reality, which pushed her to self-censor. Her story highlights a central point: the fine line between discomfort in therapy which helps us move forward, and a lasting bad “compatibility” which locks us away.
When to change therapist: signals in the relationship
Psychologist Eva-Lotta Brakemeier, from the University of Greifswald, describes the therapeutic alliance as a mixture of three elements: the link with the psychologist, the agreement on the methods used and a shared objective, the impression of “pulling in the same direction”. According to his work reported by Der Tagesspiegel, if the alliance is not there, this has been clearly named in the session, and nothing changes despite several attempts, considering a change of therapist becomes coherent.
Discomfort with your therapist can sometimes become real work material. When it is possible to say “I feel judged” or “I don’t feel understood”, this tension can be explored, linked to the past, to the transference, to the way in which we experience important relationships. The warning signal appears rather when this discomfort can no longer circulate: we remain silent, we play a role, we wait for the end of the session as if in front of a wall.
Normal discomfort, stagnation or a real bad match for a psychologist?
We distinguish normal phases of stagnation from a real end of what is possible “with this therapist”. Sometimes therapy seems to be slipping because we are going through a period of fatigue, or because we are integrating changes before tackling others. This is not necessarily a sign that you should leave, especially if you feel generally stronger than at the start.
Another scenario: the framework remains correct on paper, but you find yourself erasing your culture, your religion, your sexual orientation or your values so as not to offend the psychologist’s eyes. Psychotherapist Sema Akbunar talks about this need for “culturally sensitive” therapies. Some American data from 2020 also highlights that certain origins remain poorly represented among psychologists, which fuels the interest in “cultural matching” when the gap becomes too significant.
Switch to a new therapist without deleting everything
Start, when possible, with a sort of exit announcement: say that you are thinking of stopping, specify what did not work, ask for a brief summary of the work done. This step allows us not to throw away what has been built, and to arrive at the next therapist with clearer needs, rather than just with disappointment or shame at having “changed therapists again”.