Couple tensions on vacation: psychologist Amélie Boukhobza explains why summer sometimes turns into a nightmare

You’ve been waiting for them for many months. These famous summer holidays. With your partner, you had carefully orchestrated everything: the destination of course, but also the activities budget, a certain number of books to devour and a selection of suitable outfits. However, nothing went as planned. Your partner has had a series of awkward moments and mood swings, to the point of (strongly) irritating you. How can we explain such an agreement… and take the opposite view? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, shares valuable advice with us.

When the much-hoped-for intimacy ends up becoming stifling…

Throughout the year, we look forward to the holidays. We repeat to ourselves: “can’t wait for this moment, we’re finally going to meet again, spend time together…”.

“And then the long-awaited day arrives. But things go wrong. Tensions, arguments, silences, irritations over trifles. As if the much-hoped-for intimacy ends up becoming stifling. Enough to be frankly disappointed”,
confirms the psychologist.

But vacations often act “like a magnifying glass.” They place us face to face with each other… but above all with everything we have avoided looking at during the year, due to lack of time or enthusiasm. “No more escape, no more routine to create a diversion. All that’s left is time. And sometimes, a certain uneasiness sets in.” warns the expert.

In this situation, how can we reverse the balance?

Faced with the first silences and tensions, pessimism is not allowed. “It should not be concluded that all is lost.”confirms Amélie Boukhobza.

“Perhaps we relied too much on these few days to repair months of distance. And that what is cracking there, on the sand, started long before.”underlines the specialist.

So, what to do? What to say?

Rather than running away or exploding, opening a dialogue is a good idea.

“Not to solve all the problems at once, but to understand what this failure says about us. And adjust, little by little, what deserves to be adjusted,” underlines the practitioner.

One evening a week or every two weeks is a good way, on a daily basis, to reconnect.

“A cinema, a weekend, a moment for two, chosen moments – outside of children, work and daily chaos. Because we don’t have to wait until summer to take care of this bond. We build it all year long”, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.