In every family or circle of friends, there is always that person who monopolizes the conversation without ever letting a silence settle. Inexhaustible cousin, chattering colleague or chattering friend, these chatterboxes are exhausting with their continuous flow. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, gives the keys to stopping people who talk too much without hurting them.
Compulsive talkers, explainable behaviors
The expression, born in the 18th century, well illustrates this word which turns endlessly, like a wheel that is impossible to stop. This irrepressible need to speak can reflect hyperactivity, a lack of self-confidence, a desire to attract compassion or even a difficulty in empathy. The “talkaholic” relieves himself by speaking, even if he interrupts the group or ignores feedback. Result: those close to him end up avoiding him. But before getting to the point of cutting ties, there are solutions to calm down these excess words.
Amélie Boukhobza’s advice for regaining control
The clinical psychologist Amélie Boukhobza recommends above all “not to get into their rhythm“. Faced with a mill of chatter, there is no need to feed the machine: “Then, we keep the answers short and precise so as not to add to the flow“.
Then, to reverse the dynamic, it is recommended “refocus the conversation by asking a more specific question or introducing a new topic“. A subtle way of regaining control, without brutally cutting the other.
If despite everything the speech drags on, Amélie Boukhobza suggests a clear and polite approach: “On the other hand, if the dialogue drags on, we can politely and kindly make it clear that we must leave or that we have something to do… Just to end the discussion without conflict, while setting a clear limit. We can also use humor depending on the degree of closeness we have with the person. Light humor, teasing about the fact that he or she talks a lot“.
When the chatterbox becomes invasive
In some cases, setting subtle boundaries is not enough. The psychologist reminds us that it is then necessary to verbalize: “we can say things simply. Explain, tactfully, that we need a slightly more balanced exchange“.
Thus, the art of managing compulsive chatterboxes does not lie in head-on confrontation but in the establishment of clear relational rules, to find a real exchange.