In love, each story is unique. But when it comes to declaring your feelings, one constant comes up in discussions: the fear of saying it too soon. According to a study cited by
Psychology Todaymen would declare their love on average after 88 days, compared to 134 days for women. Another striking figure: 39% of men say it within the first month, while only 23% of women take the plunge so quickly. Data which reveals not only a shift in the temporality of genres, but also the importance of reading the other’s tempo correctly. And that changes everything.
Is there a perfect timing to say “I love you”?
“Saying I love you to your partner is a very meaningful moment! The choice of timing may seem crucial… but it is not necessarily. There is no universal rule for determining the ideal time“, explains Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist. Feelings matter more than timing.
Even if the emotion is overflowing, declaring yourself too soon can have the opposite effect. “Be careful not to rush! Saying I love you prematurely, before really getting to know your partner, can seem a little too much… It can frighten, or even scare you away.“, she adds. It is better to wait until you have had shared experiences, meaningful moments, so that the words echo something real.
Pitfalls to avoid before saying “I love you”
Psychology Today lists situations where it is better to hold back. A misplaced “I love you” can create discomfort or give the impression of manipulating the other person. Here are the circumstances to avoid according to experts:
- When you are under the influence of a strong emotion and you lose your lucidity;
- If you say it only out of politeness or habit;
- To fill an awkward silence;
- If you are expecting a reaction or an equivalent response;
- Just before, during or after sexual intercourse;
- If your partner has shown no signs of emotional openness;
- Out of boredom or lack of something else to say.
What really matters is being in tune
According to Amélie Boukhobza, the most important thing remains authenticity and emotional connection. “It already seems essential to me to ensure that what we are about to say is sincere and profound. We must also consider the stability of the relationship: a time when both partners feel secure and confident may be more favorable“, underlines the psychologist.
It is therefore not a question of timetable, but of shared feelings. Signals of reciprocity can serve as benchmarks: tender gestures, mutual involvement, joint projects. And if the moment is well chosen, away from the tumult and prying eyes, there is a good chance that it will mark the couple’s history.
“In summary, there is no right or wrong time to say I love you. Everyone does as they feel, at their own pace and according to their own dynamics. The main thing is to be sincere, to feel ready and to choose a nice moment…“, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.