Some people hate emotional emptiness. As soon as a relationship ends, they throw themselves into a new story, at the risk of not having turned the page. These quick hookups, often referred to as “Band-Aid relationships,” are mainly used to forget the ex. But how can we ensure that a new meeting is not just a cover-up?
Understanding what a dressing relationship is
As the name suggests, the bandage relationship acts like a covering over an open wound. It is not based on a real desire to build but on the need to soothe immediate pain. The problem is that by relying on an emotional escape, these stories quickly run out of steam and often leave even more scars.
Psychologist Randi Gunther, who looked into the subject to
Psychology Todayreminds us that a lasting relationship cannot start with unhealed wounds. “Expecting a new partner to be able to save and heal the past they had no part in places an unbearable burden on them, healing from a past failure is the sole responsibility of the person who suffered it, and preferably before they seek a new relationship“, specifies the psychologist.
Mourning your old history, an essential step
To avoid this trap, the psychologist recommends taking the time to take stock of your romantic failures. Identifying the patterns that led to the breakup allows you to avoid repeating them. She also emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with caring loved ones or, if necessary, of being accompanied by a professional in order to get through this difficult moment without haste.
Advice from a psychologist to avoid falling into the trap again
Once this mourning is accomplished, it becomes possible to open the door to a new encounter. To avoid repeating the same mistakes, Randi Gunther offers three simple but essential tips:
- Present your situation to your new partner, without shame or guilt;
- Be honest about your goals, explaining what you really want and what you no longer want;
- Clarify what you can offer and listen to the needs of others, even if it means recognizing if expectations do not match.
These steps, sometimes uncomfortable, are according to the expert the best way to avoid a story being born only as a band-aid, and on the contrary, to give it every chance of lasting.