From CM1-CM2, around 9-10 years old, psychologists describe a real shift. The playground becomes a small world with its codes, group pressure and the first exclusions.
Many parents are looking for ways to help their child make good friends without denying themselves. This is the question that Spanish psychologist Javier de Haro answers with 5 simple sentences.
The shift in friendship between 8 and 10 years old
A specialist in child and educational psychology, he summarized in a video published on Instagram, relayed by The Confidentialthe essential reflections to teach from the end of primary school.
The idea is not to choose your child’s friends, of course. But rather to give him benchmarks to recognize true friends, accept that certain friendships end and protect his self-esteem.
In this age group, explains the psychologist, children begin to place more value on social acceptance, sometimes “to the point of changing one’s way of being to fit in”he said. Parents can guide with patience, keep communication open, and remind that the child does not need to earn love by conforming to the group.
The 5 key phrases to recognize true friends
To help young people see things more clearly, Javier de Haro highlights 5 essential lessons:
- The sincerity of the support. “True friends don’t compete with you, they celebrate your successes, they rejoice if everything goes well for you“. It allows us to distinguish a friend from a jealous comrade;
- Prioritize quality. “You don’t need to have a million friends, it’s not the quantity, it’s the quality, it’s the way they make you feel“. The important thing is that he feels safe with a few friends, not that he is “the most popular”;
- Accepting the end of a relationship. “In many cases, friendships are cycles, they do not always last, and even if it can be a lot of pain you have to know how to say goodbye so that there can be new hellos”;
- Signs of loyalty. “You’ll know he’s a good friend if he tells you the truth even if it’s difficult, if he cares about you and doesn’t leave you behind when you need him most.”
- Preserve your identity. “If to be with them you have to lose your essence, you have to change the way you are or stop being you, that is neither your place nor your friends.”
Make these tips concrete on a daily basis
To anchor these ideas, parents can return to them after school by asking simple questions: “Who did you feel good with today?”
If the child often describes friends who humiliate, manipulate or isolate him, Javier de Haro advises contacting the teacher and then, if necessary, a psychologist.
Applying these tips helps the child build healthy and lasting relationships while strengthening their self-esteem for the rest of their schooling.