Are you meeting someone for the first time and, despite your efforts, the connection isn’t really happening? Conversely, some people seem immediately likeable, without needing to do much. According to several psychologists cited by the French magazine Top Santé in an article updated on May 19, 2026, a few very discreet reflexes can influence the way others perceive us.
Psychology expert Josh Fraser Young popularized them on TikTok: “If you manage to apply them in your daily life, you will be perceived as very charismatic and you will win everyone’s favor.” His observations align with those of psychologist Lindsay Henderson and clinician Jacqueline Julien, as well as the results of a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on the place of questions in conversations. Here are 4 social mistakes that can make you less likeable
You quickly forget the first name of your interlocutor
You’ve just met and, five minutes later, you can’t remember the first name of the person in front of you. This little oversight can give the impression of a lack of interest, even when this is not the case.
Josh Fraser Young advises: “A good tip is to try using a person’s first name three times within the first five minutes of meeting them. This will make it easier to remember.”
Psychologist Lindsay Henderson, PsyD, explains to the American site Bustle why this detail matters: “Because our first names are an indispensable part of our identity, we love it when people use them.”
No need to repeat the first name of your interlocutor in each sentence. Remembering it, then using it naturally during the conversation, is enough.
You talk a lot… but listen little
Another reflex that can quickly cool down a conversation: talking about yourself without really being interested in the other person.
“People you like listen more than they talk,” recalls Josh Fraser Young. “Instead of just talking about themselves, they give all their attention to the other person. To achieve this, instead of trying to be interesting, focus on being interested.”
This idea is also supported by a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, titled It doesn’t hurt to ask: asking questions increases sympathy. In three studies, researchers observed that people who asked more questions were generally rated as friendlier.
A good reason to give your interlocutor some space. Prompting, reflecting on what he has just said or asking him a question about his experience allows you to establish real active listening.
You want to look perfect
Never admit an error, always want to give an impeccable image, avoid showing your flaws… This desire for perfection can ultimately produce the opposite effect to that sought.
“People who are well-liked are open about their mistakes and flaws. They are not afraid to be vulnerable and have no trouble laughing at themselves,” observes Josh Fraser Young. He summarizes his advice thus: “Always remember: people don’t judge your flaws, they judge how you perceive your flaws.”
This idea echoes the Pratfall effect, described by psychologist Elliot Aronson. A little awkwardness can, in certain circumstances, make a person more endearing, especially when they are already perceived as competent.
Interviewed by the American site Bustle, clinical psychologist Jacqueline Julien provides an important nuance:
“This doesn’t mean talking about the mistakes you’ve made all the time, but admitting problems or mistakes from time to time. When you admit that you’re not perfect, people see you as closer to them and like you more.”
Recognizing a small mistake, laughing about it when the context lends itself to it or simply accepting not to master everything can therefore make exchanges more natural. However, there is no question of turning every conversation into a confession session.
You forget to show your kindness
Last reflex pointed out by Josh Fraser Young: not expressing your kindness enough. You can be a nice person without necessarily showing it to those around you. However, a few simple signs can change the atmosphere of an exchange.
“The people we appreciate are extremely kind,”
he says. “They lift others up and often compliment people.”
A warm hello, thank you, attention or sincere compliment can be enough. The idea is not to multiply flattery, but to make the other person understand that you noticed their presence or appreciated what they have just done.
These four reflexes have one thing in common: they slightly shift attention from oneself to the other. Remembering a name, asking a question, accepting your own imperfections or expressing kindness are small gestures, but they can help make exchanges warmer and more authentic.