Why do psychologists often talk about childhood with their patients? Quite simply because many of the difficulties we encounter as adults find their origin in the attachment patterns we faced during our early childhood. But the opposite is also true: it is possible to have developed a “secure” attachment style from childhood, which shapes a positive vision of oneself. An opportunity that we don’t always realize. In the media
CNBCDr Judy Ho, clinical neuropsychologist, evokes 4 phrases identified in those who are solid and emotionally anchored.
“I believe in myself”
People who have developed a secure attachment generally have better self-esteem than others. This does not mean that they are arrogant. Simply, they are more likely to have a positive opinion of themselves, their abilities and their perception of acceptance by others. Self-confident, they are also less likely to feel ashamed when they make a mistake, for example.
“The trust, support and attention that Connected Explorers (that’s what she calls confident people) received as children provides a kind of buffer against the ever-present feeling that there is something deeply flawed or fundamentally wrong with them,” explains the neuropsychologist.
“I can handle this.”
Strong people also find themselves resilient in the face of adversity, and therefore, more likely to demonstrate psychological flexibility than their insecure counterparts. An adaptability that allows them to better cope with situations.
“They are able to adapt their way of thinking to different situations… Once this is done, they can act in accordance with their values,” relates the expert.
Therefore, these people know how to quickly free themselves from a fixation on a specific outcome, adapt their coping strategies and find different solutions and paths to achieve their goals. An ability that reduces the risk of depression, anxiety and distress.
“I can have positive results”
People with a secure attachment style enjoy a high level of personal autonomy. They generally don’t feel helpless in stressful situations because they know that some things in this world are beyond their control, but they are less likely to dwell on them. They believe that, most of the time, if they try hard, they will achieve their goals.
“Believing that you can influence what happens to you is very important in creating a sense of stability and coherence in life”, recalls the expert.
When securely attached people encounter conflicts or difficulties, they demonstrate a high tolerance for frustration. Instead of wallowing in it, they communicate effectively and use their problem-solving skills to reach a solution.
“I can be both independent, but also count on others”
We all need connection and empowerment. As always, the key is balance. We often talk about interdependence. Secure people understand what they can do on their own and where help may be needed. Securely attached adults are more likely to assume that most people are well-intentioned rather than being overly skeptical or distrustful of others.
Secure attachment is worked on
Some people therefore acquired all this during their childhood and thanks to their family and the trust transmitted. However, if you do not recognize yourself in these statements, Dr Judy Ho concludes with some happy news, also observed in the office: “Those who believe they can change their attachment styles most often succeed”. If it is impossible to change the past, you can work to build a new secure attachment.