No need for big speeches or smoking advice to make a romantic relationship stronger. According to Gary W. Lewandowski, a teacher specializing in love psychology, everything is in four words. A simple principle which he summarizes in a formula: the 4F rule. This concept, relayed in Psychology Todaybrings together the four fundamental pillars of a fulfilled relationship: friendship, fun, personal development, and fidelity.
The 4F, concretely
“”When couples prioritize these elements, they can focus on what really matters, without being distracted by less important aspects“He explains.
1. Friendship, the basis of everything
Gary W. Lewandowski insists on an often overlooked point: a solid relationship is based first on a real friendship. Too many couples base their link on superficial bases, and quickly run out.
“”Although we had to find our partner physically attractive, it should not be the driving force that advances a relationship. In fact, research shows that the journey ‘of friendship to love’ is common, 2 in 3 relationships starting with friendly relations (Stinson et al., 2022). When your partner is your best friend, you share common interests, communicate openly and really appreciate the company of the other“.
2. Fun, to escape routine
One of the most common traps in a relationship is boredom. Over time, habits settle down, exchanges freeze. “”She kills the chemistry of a relationship“warns the researcher.
He recommends keeping the spark living by moments of shared pleasure: “In other words, couples should continue to go out and have fun together by engaging in new and exciting activities (Aron et al., 2022). Whether it’s trying new activities together, making stupid things with each other or keeping a certain sense of humor“.
3. Grow together to flourish with two
To last, a relationship cannot remain frozen in the present. Personal evolution must go hand in hand with a journey for two. This is where the third F comes into play: Fulfillment (development).
“”The best relationships are not only focused on here and now; They give priority to the trajectory of the partnership by emphasizing mutual support for continuous growth. When this happens, couples are not only happy; they are fulfilled“.
And it is by supporting each other that this dynamic works. “”When partners support each other in their growth, the relationship flourishes“.
4. Loyalty, much more than exclusivity
Often reduced to the idea of not deceiving, loyalty, according to Lewandowski, goes much further. It is a deep, daily, active commitment.
“”It is a question of making decisions by thinking in the future, to meet the challenges together and to constantly reinvest in the relationship. Loyalty requires emotional loyalty and dedication to the growth and sustainability of the partnership“.
Clearly, being faithful is also being constant, attentive, and ready to adjust your relationship day after day.
How to practice the 4F rule?
To start is already aware of the importance of these four pillars. And above all, commit to making them live on a daily basis. As the expert points out, couples must “commit to maintaining or reviving their friendship“.
A good starting point? Ask this question together: “What are the qualities that attracted you to your partner at the start? Highlight them and look for opportunities to spend quality time together without worrying about the hassles of daily life“.
The recipe is simple, but powerful: being friends, having fun, evolving together, and staying loyal. What if happiness really held at these 4F?