You’ve just spent two hours with someone you consider a friend… but when you get home, you feel drained, judged, or even bad about yourself. This feeling is sometimes worth dwelling on. Because a healthy friendship is normally a space where you can feel supported, respected and confident enough to be yourself.
Conversely, some relationships can become unbalanced or toxic. Several psychologists and therapists interviewed by
Psychology Today, mindbodygreen Or Women’s Health thus describe different signals allowing you to spot a friendship that is no longer functioning properly.
What does a healthy friendship look like?
In a balanced friendly relationship, everyone must be able to find their place. We can talk about our difficulties, ask for help, share our successes or simply spend time together without the constant fear of being judged.
For Shainna Ali, mental health specialist cited by
Psychology Todaya healthy relationship makes it possible in particular to
stay yourself without fearing the judgment of others. Trust, listening, respect and the ability to express emotions are part of the foundations of an authentic relationship.
Conversely, certain behaviors can gradually make a friendship burdensome.
6 signs that should alert you
1. Your friend seems unable to rejoice in your successes.
Do you announce good news and receive an unpleasant remark, a comparison or silence rather than congratulations? Jealousy can sometimes interfere in a friendship. The psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, cited by mindbodygreendescribes in particular these situations where a person seems not to want their friend to “be too successful”.
2. His affection seems to depend on what you can give him.
Is it there for going out, partying or enjoying your network, but disappears as soon as you go through a difficult period? This functioning can reflect a very unbalanced relationship. A true friendship normally implies a certain reciprocity, even if this is obviously not perfectly egalitarian on a daily basis.
3. Your “no” is systematically poorly accepted.
A friend may be disappointed by your refusal, but they should be able to hear it. If every boundary triggers guilt, reproach or pressure, the relationship can become stifling. Respecting personal boundaries is one of the markers of a healthy friendship.
4. You feel like you’re giving way more than you’re getting.
Are you always the one who calls, listens, helps or organizes reunions? A friendship can experience unbalanced periods, but when this functioning becomes permanent, it can be indicative of a problem. Women’s Health
emphasizes in particular that a relationship in which one person constantly puts in more effort than the other can become problematic.
5. You regularly leave feeling bad.
This is perhaps one of the easiest signals to observe. After your exchanges, do you regularly feel inferior, hurt, anxious or exhausted? Psychology Today invites you to observe your emotional state after spending time with a friend.
6. Your secrets or weaknesses are used against you.
A confidence should remain a confidence. If your friend regularly discloses private information, talks about you behind your back or uses your vulnerabilities to destabilize you, the trust, essential to a healthy relationship, is seriously weakened.
Can a toxic friendship really drain you?
Yes, especially when a climate of tension, guilt or insecurity sets in over the long term. Women’s Health
reports that toxic friendships can be accompanied by stress, anxiety, guilt or lowered self-esteem. The feeling of being constantly on guard or having to be careful about what you say is also a signal to take into consideration.
However, isolated behavior is not enough to qualify someone as a “false friend”. A friendship inevitably experiences disagreements, periods of distance or awkwardness. What should be more alarming is the repetition of behaviors and their impact on you.
If several of these signals are present, a first step may be to clearly set your boundaries and observe the other person’s reaction. Someone who cares about the relationship will be able to hear your discomfort and try to change their behavior. If, on the contrary, your limits are systematically ignored, gradually distancing yourself can help preserve your well-being and your self-esteem.