For many people, the simple touch of a hand or a squeeze on the shoulder can be a source of comfort. However, when such a gesture comes from your partner, it can sometimes hide less benevolent intentions.
Touch can establish the control of one partner over the other
According to a recent study carried out among 500 American students, adults and couples, people with dark personality traits, such as psychopathy, use touch to manipulate their partner.
Indeed, according to the New York scientists behind this research, physical contact can “increase the feeling of possession over objects” And “fostering the submission of a subordinate“.
In other words, if your partner kisses you or grabs your hand during a heated argument – this gesture could indicate manipulative behavior. He or she might even try to assert control by holding your arm, shoulder, or the back of your head.
“Not all forms of contact are well-intentioned” And “not all hugs are harmless“, confirms Richard Mattson, lead author of the study and professor of psychology at Binghamton University.
“They can actually be used in one’s own interest, to the detriment of the partner“, he added. Thus, a hug, an arm around the shoulders, or even hugs and kisses can be used to better manipulate and/or control the other.
Other character traits help identify a manipulative individual
But what does our expert think of these results? If touch can be a way for the manipulator to strengthen his hold on the other, reducing it to this contact alone is not enough, believes Pascal Anger, psychologist.
“He can magnify you, make you feel wonderful, but also constantly exert a form of hot/cold, which makes the relationship very difficult. He will highlight your personality, exploit your weaknesses and find a way to devalue you. Moreover, he often targets fragile, vulnerable people, and plays with their guilt/remorse, without any mercy: they are killers”, warns the expert.
Under his charming aspects, the psychopath can really put you in danger. “You think you can give him everything. But what matters to him is his pleasure above all.”
Indeed, every psychopath is defined by his lack of empathy. He is guided by his ego, focused on his needs, his desires, and does not feel any form of guilt for the acts committed. “He can leave you in the lurch without any consideration,” further warns the practitioner.
How to get out of this grip?
Spotting it – and avoiding it – is therefore essential. Its main features?
- It blows hot and cold;
- He is talkative, fickle and impulsive;
- He feels the need to be stimulated;
- Finally, he uses any opportunity to do harm.
Several strategies allow you to escape this manipulator:
- Cut off all contact with him, physical and virtual;
- Put everything that concerns him at a distance;
- Mourning its false promises and its supposed changes;
- Consult a psychologist to rebuild yourself.
“Finally, pay attention to the warnings of others, because they are often the ones sounding the alarm,” concludes the psychologist.