Are you about to say “we” instead of “me”? Wait a second. Before making your relations and diving into the big bath of engagement, an essential step awaits you: placing the right limits. Mark Travers, a graduate psychologist at Cornell University, looked at the magazine Forbes On these subjects that couples often prefer to avoid … at the risk of regretting it later.
Know everyone’s expectations for the future
Talking about the future from the first months of a relationship? It is sometimes seen as precipitate. However, Mark Travers recalls that this is precisely the ideal moment to clarify things. Life objectives, marriage, children, desires for expatriation … Everyone has their vision of the future, and ignoring these differences can lead to late disillusionment. “”Making compromises on what is important to you like marriage, having children, living elsewhere, can lead you to a future that will not fully satisfy you“warns the psychologist.
A study published in 2017 in the Journal of Experimental Psychology General support this idea. It demonstrates that satisfaction in a relationship does not only depend on what we live today, but also on what we project together. If one dreams of a two future and the other lives day by day, the imbalance is likely to settle. Hence the importance, from the start, to lay down its priorities as a non-negotiation. Not to impose your vision, but to avoid building a story on silent misunderstandings.
Talk about sexuality and intimate compatibility
Sex remains a sensitive subject. Many couples are waiting for “it naturally”. And yet, it is one of the pillars of the couple who too deserves to be discussed transparently. “”Feel sexually satisfied from the start could improve the overall development of the relationship“, Underlines a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2016.
Everyone has desires, a rhythm, limits. There is no standard, but there is a need for clarity. Travers insists: Not to talk about your desires is to take the risk that the other will never guess them. And conversely, depriving yourself of an open dialogue is potentially to give up a truly fulfilling intimacy.
The beginnings of a relationship are often imbued with enthusiasm, but that does not guarantee anything for the future. The real cement is communication. Dare to talk about what we like, what we don’t like, what we dare not say. A space of confidence is created from there.
Define the involvement of families in your couple
When you fall in love, you often think that the relationship is playing two. But in reality, there are also families. Mother-in-law who invite themselves without warning, meals imposed every Sunday, or radio silences on one side and overinvestments on the other. “”Some are close to their family and wish to see them every week … while others are satisfied with a visit per year without real sharing“Observes the psychologist.
Without a clear alignment on this point, conflicts arise quickly. One feels suffocated, the other sidelined. And it is all the dynamics of the couple that suffers. Through advises to discuss very early on the place that loved ones must occupy, the type of information to share them, and the frequency of visits.
It is not always a pleasant discussion. But it avoids many frustrations and installing a clear frame, respectful for the two partners … and their families.