Attentive, funny, worker … has always been “ideal son -in -law” fascinates as much as he worries. He must seduce the in-laws, reassure his partner and reflect all the qualities that the company values. But behind this smooth image sometimes hides a psychological burden. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, highlights the dangers of this quest for perfection.
The weight of a role imposed by the company
During a television program, Yvonne Poncet-Bonissol, psychoclinician and president of the defense association against moral harassment, thus described this so fantasized character: “The ideal son-in-law is the one who appeals to the beautiful family and especially to the mother-in-law, he is charming, attentive, hardworking. He is a handsome man, cultivated and serious. The ideal son -in -law is also the right father for small children. Attentive with her mother -in -law and her beautiful family“.
A definition that illustrates the pressure exerted: to correspond to this ideal, it is often necessary to silence your desires and compose with family expectations. This scheme, often exploited in the cinema in comedies like “My stepfather and me” or “Crazy Rich Asians”, shows how much this role exceeds the private sphere.
When the ideal turns into trap
For Amélie Boukhobza, the question goes far beyond the image of perfect man. “”Who is the famous ideal son -in -law? Polished, stable, funny but not too much, hard but available, present without being invasive? In short, a perfect mixture between emotional security and good manners“She explains.
But behind this facade, a concern grows: “When are we trying to be perfect for others, to the point of forgetting what we really want? To match the supposed expectations of …“Asks the psychologist.
Stay yourself rather than playing a role
The expert warns against the risk of getting lost in this social performance. “”There are those who pour in the mold, always agree, always in their place … And then, there are those who disturb a little, who do not enter the boxes, but who live with consistency. Being the ideal son-in-law does not mean trying to please at all costs, but rather remain faithful to yourself and its values, without overplaying a composition role“, Underlines Amélie Boukhobza.
Sometimes the flattering image of the model son -in -law can become a formidable trap: “Sometimes, this ideal image can even become a trap: that of docility, repression, “I do everything well, but I don’t feel in my place”. In this case, the real question may not be ‘I am the ideal son-in-law?’, But rather: ‘to whom do I seek to please, and at what price?’“.