“Mom, can I go sleep at Mila’s, please?” This little phrase, often uttered with a mixture of hope and excitement, marks an important stage in childhood. The desire for a sleepover sometimes arises earlier than parents expect — sometimes even too soon. And when faced with this request, opinions differ: some parents see it as a problem-free opportunity, provided they know the hosts, while others systematically prefer to decline, out of caution or fear that things will go wrong. So, is there an ideal age for live this first night at a friend’s or girlfriend’s house?
A question of maturity in children
On the child’s side, some will indeed be very motivated by the idea, but want to go home and return to their usual habits at nightfall. But this has nothing to do with a specific age, according to psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
“I would say that there is not really an ideal age to let your child sleep at a friend’s house. It’s not so much a question of age as of maturity and context. Some children, from 4 or 5 years old, feel ready. For others, you will have to wait 8 or 10 years, or even more, and that is just as normal. And for some, it may never happen, and that’s OK too.”
In this case, do not hesitate to reassure the child, but do not force him. There are other ways to spend time with friends!
And letting go with parents
But let’s face it, it’s often the parents’ side that gets stuck the most. Like this psychiatrist who created a buzz two years ago for saying that he would never let one of his children sleep anywhere else. “Sleepovers often provide a great opportunity for children to do things that are completely beyond their control, whether they intend to or not.”
he worried. Like watching a horror movie or staying up way too late.
“A first night away from home can awaken anxiety”, confirms our psychologist,”fear of the unknown, fear that the child will not feel comfortable, that he will be afraid at night… Letting your child sleep elsewhere also means agreeing to let go, not to control everything, to trust him, and above all to accept that he is growing up.
Knowing the framework, an essential
What matters, however, is knowing the family he or she will be visiting. “Is the environment clear and reassuring? Is there a safe environment for everyone? This is where it all comes down to “ indicates Amélie Boukhobza. So just as you will warn if your child has a food fear or allergy, it is completely legitimate to mention your periods, the films that your child does not watch, or these kinds of details.
“Finally, let us be wary of our own projections: our childhood experiences, or our difficulties managing separation, can influence our decisions. Sometimes, this resistance comes more from us than from the child.” But if the setting is reassuring why not allow your child to experience their first sleepover?