Over the years, professional credibility is built on successful files, promotions and relationships of trust. However, a few words slipped through an email or a meeting are sometimes enough to crack this solid image.
This phenomenon of self-minimization, identified by American coach Kate Mason in her book “Powerfully Likeable”, has a name: imposition syndrome.
This tendency pushes one to almost apologize for existing and to round the corners too much so as not to disturb. This leads to an underestimation of oneself and one’s work, with an insidious effect on professional reputation.
Imposition syndrome: when politeness erases your legitimacy
Imposition syndrome should not be confused with imposter syndrome. If the second leads to doubting one’s place, the first reflects the fear of taking up space. The two, however, feed off each other.
In the moment, overly softening your requests seems like politeness or kindness. In the long run, this posture establishes the idea that your words and your subjects remain secondary. Each sentence that belittles your proposals confirms your own doubts and gradually degrades the perception that your colleagues have of you.
The 3 expressions that discredit you in meetings or by email
Three turns of phrase come up particularly often in the professional environment and directly harm your posture:
- “It will only take a second” or “I will be very quick”. You are suggesting that your subject does not deserve attention. Prefer an affirmative formula: “I need five minutes to present this important point to you”;
- “Don’t worry if you can’t.” By wanting to be too gentle with your interlocutor, you transform your request into a dispensable option;
- “I’m not an expert, but…”. This oratorical precaution immediately defuses your status. Remember that you were recruited for your skills: immediately announcing a lack of legitimacy sends a negative signal about your value.
Where does this need to fade away come from and how can we remedy it?
This habit is often explained by the learning of gendered codes encouraging one not to offend, but it can also have its roots in one’s personal journey. Psychotherapist Imi Lo highlights that children who grew up facing emotionally unstable or centric parental figures sometimes struggle, once adults, to assert their needs.
To correct this reflex, a first concrete job is necessary: systematically reread your messages before sending and identify these minimization formulas. Always ask yourself if your idea is presented as legitimate or as a service that the other person can do without.
Slightly adjusting your vocabulary allows you to maintain politeness while fully asserting your place.