It may seem strange, even irrational. However, the fear of being forgotten – called in medical jargon atazagoraphobia – is very real for those who experience it. It interferes in relationships, in couples, at work or in family… And ends up creating a constant anxiety of no longer existing in the eyes of others.
When the fear of being forgotten takes over
“These people suffer from a deep feeling of not existing. Everything they do seems useless in their eyes, as if their value depended solely on the views of others” confirms psychologist Pascal Anger, interviewed on the subject.
Even when we reassure them, when we tell them that we will not forget them, they continue to feel a diffuse fear of abandonment.
Where does this fear of being forgotten come from?
According to the specialist, this fear often takes root in childhood.
“It can come from unprotective parents, or from a child who was neither wanted nor sufficiently valued.. A lack of love or an experience of early rejection leaves a lasting mark on self-esteem, like an emotional wound that is reactivated with each failure, breakup or loss.
As we grow up, this emotional fragility manifests itself in different forms. “These people live in excessive insecurity. They fear departures, fear that the other will not return, and panic in the face of a simple delay. Their distress is often disproportionate.”
In a relationship, this can result in excessive jealousy or a permanent fear of no longer being loved. At work, they may feel ignored, excluded or poorly recognized, as if they were always lacking validation. “This fear of being forgotten ends up mentally and emotionally exhausting.” assures our expert.
Find confidence and ease your fear
How to overcome it? For Pascal Anger, the first step is to become aware of this fear. “But also to identify the situations that trigger it“. He advises working on self-esteem, congratulating yourself on small successes and regaining confidence in your own value.
The psychologist also encourages you to practice relaxation, breathing, and to relearn how to be alone, listening to yourself. “Those around you play a key role: they must reassure without judging, but also set clear limits to avoid fueling anxiety.” he adds.
Finally, professional help may be necessary. “A therapist can support the work of detachment, help understand the origins of this fear and heal early wounds. It’s a long road, but it allows you to gradually free yourself from this fear of being forgotten.” he concludes.