Do you know toxic positivity? According to psychologist Siyana Milnéva, this attitude is defined as an excess of optimism which ends up ignoring or minimizing the emotional reality of those who suffer. “”We can say that we undergo a positivity when it is exaggerated. This shows that the other does not seek to be interested in the situation that we are living“, she explains. Result: we do not feel listened to, but on the contrary invalidated in what we are going through.
Positivity or the fact of not being brought down by the tests
Positivity is basically a personality trait of the beating. “”Having a positive state of mind means knowing how to get on failures very quickly, not being put down by negative events and see the best in each situation“, Specifies Siyana Milnéva.
This remains accessible to everyone. “The key to a positive state of mind is to make the decision to be. But obviously, that does not mean forcing oneself to be positive and exaggerating this positivity“She still details.
Conversely, toxic positivity manifests itself by hollow sentences, disconnected from emotional reality. This is for example telling someone: “Don’t worry about that, it will pass“. Start: “Stop thinking about that, be positive“.
“”By doing this, we deprive the other of a listening space and we deny the legitimacy of his feelings. Even formulas like “you have to remain positive” can become hurtful if they are imposed without real attention paid to the emotional state of the other “.
How to identify toxic positivity in everyday life?
Mistrust therefore because this posture can become a form of destructive injunction, whether one imposes ourselves on ourselves or others. Over time, it can lead to denial, minimization of difficulties and the invalidation of authentic emotions.
In the world of work, this toxicity is often particularly blatant. Siyana Milnéva cites two examples. “”Your employer tells you that the company is doing very well and that you don’t have to worry about it, but shortly after, offices are closed and dismissals are announced. “ This type of enjolive speech is not there to sincerely reassure, but to hide brutal decisions.
His other example concerns the ready -made sentences circulating in certain professional environments. “”Negative people are asked to stay at home“, or”If you bring me a problem, also bring me a solution“. So many injunctions that speak and reduce the ability to express a real discomfort.
Encourage without denying: the keys to real benevolence
In short, “Toxic positivity hides a form of manipulation, whether related to friendship or professional sphere“Affirm our expert. For her, this attitude consists of”pretend that you understand you, pretend to be attentive“.
In reality, the other remains focused on his own interests. This false benevolence results in a lack of emotional intelligence, and above all, in an absence of sincere empathy.
Faced with a loved one in distress, real empathy is not to tell him to smile at all costs. Rather, it is a question of listening to it actively, without judgment. Rather than asserting a “You will pass through“, it’s better to say”You have already gone through so many things … It would be better to consult a psychotherapist, but I’m here and I support you. “
Or when the other feels overwhelmed, offer him a concrete help of the type “What can I do to help you so that it is less stressful?”. Words that will be a thousand times more helping than “it will pass”.
“”This type of answer shows a real presence. She does not minimize, does not judge, but reaches out“. The authentic positivity, recalls Siyana Milnéva, recognizes itself immediately.”We quickly understand that our interlocutor listens to us and seeks to offer us alternatives “ she concludes.