Deciphering a problematic romantic tendency, with the expertise of Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist.
“Pocketing”: Keeping your partner in silence
THE pocketingliterally “put in one’s pocket”, describes the behavior consisting of hiding one’s partner from those close to them and those around them. The reasons? Shame, embarrassment, fear of judgment or even possessiveness. This practice, although it may seem trivial, can generate in the “pocketed” person a profound
lack of self-confidenceleading him to ask himself: “Why am I not good enough to be featured?“
Johanna Rozenblum explains: “This attitude often reflects an imbalance in the relationship. One partner is seen as sufficient to satisfy a need for affection, but not rewarding enough to be integrated into the social or family life of the other.”
Telltale signs of pocketing
It’s natural to take your time before introducing a partner to your family or circle of friends, especially at the beginning of a relationship. However, certain behaviors may indicate a deliberate desire to exclude :
- Absence on social networks : Does your partner avoid sharing photos or stories with you?
- Frequent cancellations of outings : Does he or she find excuses not to introduce you to his or her friends or family?
- No affection in public : The slightest gesture of affection in society is avoided.
- You are introduced as a friend : Your role in his life is minimized.
These attitudes, if repeated, can cause a feeling of rejection and harm self-esteem. If they persist, they may even cause depressive disordersunderlines the expert.
Why is this practice toxic?
According to Johanna Rozenblum, pocketing is part of a form of
manipulative possession. “It’s a way of saying: ‘You are not representative enough to be displayed, but you are representative enough to meet my emotional needs.’ This positioning objectifies the partner, reducing them to a utilitarian role.”
The result? An unbalanced relationship where one partner feels devalued, unable to meet the implicit or explicit expectations of the other.
How to react to pocketing?
If you identify this behavior in your relationship, a honest communication is essential. Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com, advises: “Express your concerns and try to understand what is driving this behavior. It is crucial to address the underlying issues.”
However, if after discussion your partner persists in minimizing or ignoring your feelings, it may be time to
reevaluate the relationship. As Sullivan recalls: “Being invisible in a relationship is not a healthy compromise.”