However, you had made incredible efforts in recent months. Invitation to the restaurant, romantic weekend, all-out attire … but the famous hoped-for spark has not rekindled. Your skins which once asked only to be glued seem today to reject. What to do when the flame was killed? Is this a sign that the relationship is coming to an end? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, enlightens us.
A natural evolution of the relationship
Unlike the stories that we are told as a child, the life of a couple is not a long quiet river.
The passionate periods sometimes succeed difficult trials. “”The temptation to conclude that we have not made the right choice is great, when in reality it is our biology that commands“confided Lucy Vincent, in a previous interview. Indeed, “The duration of love is fixed by a cerebral pre-program set up to promote the survival of the species“.
Result ? After a certain period of time, often just after the first years of life of a child, we discover in the other features that had escaped us.
The magic, the wonder of the beginnings has given way to the disappointments, to the frustrations of everyday life and to a more raw reality. The passionate impulses have been overshadowed by unspoken, silences and underlying tensions, to the point that we come to question ourselves: are we still really in love? Or is our couple doomed to failure? Here is what Amélie Boukhobza says, clinical psychologist.
The absence of a spark can reveal a temporary weariness or a need to meet
The spark symbolizes the beginnings of a relationship, where the shared moments seem to be “suspended”. A phase that manifests itself by this famous feeling of lack (as soon as one moves away), or even by this burning desire, which invades at each meeting (the famous butterflies in the belly).
“I often compare this spark in the romantic state of the first six months. A phase carried by the chemistry of the beginning – dopamine, adrenaline, all the euphorizing cocktail of the meeting. Which does not last … And this is completely normal. This intensity decreases, sometimes without preventing, to make way for something else. To love, the real one that does not blaze, but which is more stable. Building.reveals Amélie Boukhobza.
And this famous “flame” Who died sometimes says a lot about everyday life, fatigue, mental overload, lack of time.
“It can translate a fleeting weariness, or a need to find a playing space, surprise, intimacy. And often, it comes back … Then starts again. It is a fluctuating feeling. So before concluding too quickly to the break, it is better to ask the real question: do I still want to get involved in this link, even if it is less flamboyant?”underlines the psychologist.
Indeed, no one can only live from the beginnings of history. “”It would end by not to mean anything anymore. A two -month love is not a two -year love, neither ten, nor twenty. But it’s worth it! “, she concludes.