It takes a word of way, a slightly dry tone or a slight delay for the fire to take. Living with a person with an explosive character is not easy. But what about those who carry this temperament like a burden? Can we really change when you have “bad character”? Doctor of Psychology Emile Guibert, specialist in the subject and author of the book Everything is a question of charactershare your lighting.
Why our character is forged from childhood
From the first years of life, our personality is set up. “”What we live very small – the education received, the emotional environment – necessarily influences the way in which we will express our emotions later“, Explains Emile Guibert. For the Doctor of Psychology, the way in which parents accompany (or not) the expression of emotions plays a central role. A very emotional child, for example, can channel his anger if he is taught to verbalize it. Conversely, an education where anger is taboo risks pushing the child to internalize everything, until it brutally emerges later.
But beware: “The basic temperament remains largely written from birth and relatively stable during life“, Recalls the expert. He insists, however, on a crucial point: to recognize the dominant character type-angry, nervous, phlegmatic, sentimental, etc.-makes it possible to get the most out of it, without going unnatural. The objective is therefore not to transform the individual, but to accompany him in a better management of his emotions.
Why a “bad character” is not always a defect
The lively or angry temperament is often poorly perceived, especially when it contrasts with more discreet personalities. “”A very active and whole person may seem too abruptly to a more sensitive person, who will deem it aggressive“, Notes Emile Guibert. However, behind a punctual explosion can hide from sincerity, franchise, or a strong emotional implication.
Being considered “bad character” does not condemn to isolation. “”If the entourage includes the functioning of this temperament and does not take it constantly head on, the cohabitation can very well be going“, He says. A couple can even find a good balance in their differences: the calm of one partner can appease the other, while the most energetic can draw his spouse from his reserve. The key lies in mutual knowledge and progressive daily adjustment.
- A angry immediately expresses what he feels, whether joy or anger;
- A “false calm” may seem peaceful, but accumulates before cracking suddenly;
- The angry temperament is not synonymous with permanent aggressiveness, but of emotions on edge.
This nuance is essential, according to the psychologist: “Being of a angry character means above all that you express your emotions as soon as they arise – not that we are rage from morning to night!“”
Change, yes … but without denying oneself
Changing character is really possible? Emile Guibert’s response is clear: we don’t change his background, but we can evolve in his way of reacting. “”With real work on ourselves, you can gain control of your reactions“, He explains. The nervous person by nature will not suddenly become an imperturbable sage, but he can learn to identify alert signals and manage them better. It is therefore less a metamorphosis than a lasting adjustment of his behavior.
In the life of a couple, this also translates into a share of anticipation. Knowing the triggers of the other and adjusting your own reactions helps defuse conflicts. “”If I know that my spouse is very horse on schedule, I will avoid making him wait unnecessarily. We win in peace!“Illustrates the psychologist. He recommends accompanying the other with kindness, without trying to” repair “it, but by valuing progress, however minimal as they are.
Some duos work better than others, of course. But nothing is frozen: “The important thing is to understand each other and respect the character of the other, because this is where the real compatibility lies“. Finally, when the overflows become too frequent or too painful for those around them, therapeutic accompaniment can be precious. Not to erase a character trait, but to learn to tame it, without getting lost.