When a crisis occurs, the couple is put to the test. Certainly, you promised to be there for each other, “for better and for worse”. But when the worst sets in – and it lasts – how can you continue to love your partner? And what to do when your romantic feelings fade or even disappear? Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist, guides us.
Ask yourself the right questions
As often, Pascal Anger invites everyone to ask themselves the right questions. What are the reasons for the arguments? Are they incessant? And do we (really) want to save our history? Because a couple who does not experience crises… does not exist. There is always a moment when grains of sand interfere in a union (running out of steam in the relationship, infidelity, etc.). The best way to overcome this crisis is still to accept it (“yes, we are both responsible).
The idea here is to put into words what is happening. Because the accumulation of tensions and arguments (sometimes even unimportant) inevitably creates great wounds. “It may therefore be necessary to clean up your relationship, to get back on better terms, and perhaps also to give yourself time to heal these wounds.” indicates the expert.
Lack of communication, often to blame
Sometimes everything comes to a head suddenly… and lack of communication is often the big culprit. What hasn’t been said accumulates, frustrations build up silently. We think we are avoiding conflict, but in reality, we are fueling it. Until the moment when everything boils over: one word too many, one misinterpreted gesture… and what seemed trivial turns into much deeper discomfort.
“This is why we must break the silence and remember that deep down, each of us needs to be heard. Listen to each other to avoid reaching the climax where you say to yourself: “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” or “it’s over between us”, remarks the practitioner.
How to get out of this impasse (and relearn how to love others)?
While each situation requires a different approach, it is essential to express what is happening, without falling into shouting or screaming.
“You must also accept that your relationship is evolving, and identify what needs to change, together, to regain some momentum,” admits Pascal Anger.
In other words: neither be blind nor in denial, but simply listen to the reality of the other… “Every union is imperfect. But we must give ourselves the chance to find authentic communication, capable of lastingly transforming the couple,” advises the practitioner.
Another key tip for learning to love your partner again after a crisis: be authentic, sincere and true in your love… to finally get out of the impasse.
“Also avoid staying in the same ruminations and not constantly bringing negative vibes into your daily life, because this further weakens the couple,”
warns the specialist.
Only in this way will you be able to rekindle the flame… and your feelings.
Finally, if the situation is really too difficult, remember that professionals can help in a crisis.“One-off support can sometimes make all the difference,” concludes Pascal Anger.