As Christmas approaches, the same anxiety returns. Find
THE gift. The one that will please. The one who will count. The one who will say something about us… or rather, about the other. What if, precisely, the problem came from there?
Displacement: leaving oneself to go towards the other
In our search for the perfect item, we sometimes forget the essential: a good gift is not a thing, it is an intention. This is exactly what psychologist Amélie Boukhobza points out, particularly for the Christmas period:
“A gift is not the object. It’s the gesture.”
There are, she says, those who know how to give gifts… and those who don’t. And it has nothing to do with budget or taste. Everything comes down to a fundamental psychic shift: leaving one’s own universe to enter that of the other.
The right gift is the one that does good
A good gift therefore begins with a simple and demanding question: What would really do him good, right now?
“Not what would make us happy. Not what would say something flattering about us. But what resonates with his rhythm, his fatigue, his needs of the moment.”
Conversely, some gifts completely miss their role:
- The default gifts (the last minute candle, the impersonal box, etc.). To forget! ;
- Projective gifts (what we like, without asking the question of the other’s tastes);
- Or heavy, expensive gifts, those that force you to love, to use, to thank “as you should”.
Result ? The gesture becomes empty of its meaning.
An experience rather than an object
In reality, the right Christmas gift is not necessarily an object with a price placed on it, but a proposition with meaning. A gift that touches something deeply human. As such, “experiences” are gifts that hit the mark every Christmas.
Research in positive psychology is clear: experiences provide more lasting happiness than material possessions. A concert, a museum, a class, a shared moment create memories, and the memories become anchored. Even better when experienced together: social connections are one of the most powerful factors of well-being and resilience.
Saying “What if we did this together?” is already offering something.
Offer time, presence, support
Sometimes the best gift isn’t even spectacular. It’s concrete help. Support. A presence.
- Looking after the children, helping with computerscooking for someone who is going through a difficult time… These gestures say: I see you. And studies show it: helping others also calms the one who helps. The connection is restorative in both directions;
- There is also a particular strength in handmade gifts. Homemade soup, cookies, something knitted or prepared with care. To offer one’s time is to offer the rarest thing we have. And paradoxically, this is often what touches you the most;
- Another meaningful idea: make a donation in honor of someone, or offer to engage together in solidarity action. Volunteering reduces stress, strengthens a sense of purpose and improves health;
- Finally, even when an object is truly desired, it can be chosen differently: fair tradeethical production, respect for the environment. Consuming in accordance with one’s values also provides lasting well-being — for those who receive, but also for those who give.
A simple message to spoil your loved ones
A good gift, concludes Amélie Boukhobza, should always convey a very simple sentence: “I thought of you. Not what it would say about me“
At Christmas, perhaps the greatest gesture is to let go of performance and regain focus. To look not for what shines, but for what connects. Because the most precious gifts don’t stay in the back of a cupboard. They are part of a life.