Double, lie, sickly jealousy … In your relationship, are you constantly on the lookout for the slightest “red flag”? If identifying the toxic behavior of the other in time can be saving, not letting anything pass can (also) sabotage your love story. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, sheds light on this trap to avoid.
Excessive alertness that can distort reality
Nowadays, locating the first warning signs of a toxic relationship is not only valued, but also congratulated. Unlike your friends who fell into the panel – and who were (too) vulnerable – your half “you will not have“. Neither by sweet words, nor by bouquets of flowers deposited at your door. The problem? This suspicious attitude can greatly serve you.
“We hear everywhere that we must identify alert signals, toxic behaviors, signs of manipulation (the famous red flags). And it is true: knowing how to set limits, and recognizing what does not suit us, is essential. But by dint of being in constant alert, we end up confusing everything. A clumsiness becomes a danger. A difference. of a perversion “, warns Amélie Boukhobza.
A suspicious behavior that speaks volumes about your lack of self-esteem.
“By dint of having been injured or over-informed on relational dynamics, we start to scrutinize every detail. An ill-chosen word, a somewhat cold reaction, an absence of message … And everything is linked, the spirit is getting carried away”, alerts the expert.
In other words, by this constant doubt, “We enter the relationship with a biased reading grid “, warns the practitioner.“This constantly activated radar finally leaves little room for meeting, to surprise, to doubt too – while it is an integral part of all emerging history”, recalls the psychologist.
To fully experience its history, imperfection must be accepted
Being in a relationship involves taking risks. Refuse to see the other in its complexity, with its faults and weaknesses, condemns the relationship to stay on the surface.
“”Seeking to protect yourself is legitimate. But keeping from living on the pretext that everything is not perfect … is something else“, Prevents Amélie Boukhobza. Indeed,”No relationship is ideal. You have to take a few risks to hope to live something … without analyzing everything every second, without decoding everything. “
In summary, the idea is rather to let go.
“Because by dint of perceiving red flags, we end up living nothing”, concludes the expert.