As strikes intensify in the Middle East and the future is uncertain, distant families worry. How to manage anxiety when the lives of those close to you are threatened every day? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist and creator of the podcast
You told me…shares valuable advice with us.
Violence and war stories have never been closer
Having a mother, brother or cousin residing in a war zone is not without consequences – it can even plunge the person concerned into deep emotional distress.
“It’s a waking nightmare. We watch the news, we refresh the messages. We wait for a sign. And when nothing happens, it’s not reassuring – it’s worse. Having loved ones in a war zone is like living in constant tension. With fear all the time, in the background… accompanied bya somewhat brutal form of helplessness”, confides Amélie Boukhobza.
Trying to maintain a more or less ordinary daily life while loved ones are threatened is, in fact, nothing natural. As soon as you wake up, anxious thoughts flood in and take up all the space – until they completely saturate the mind.
“We would like to do something. Help. Protect. Understand. But we are here, far away, finally… and the mind is saturated. So, how can we hold on?” asks the psychologist.
“First, it is necessary to accept this anxiety. No, it is not an excess, it is a reflex: we are talking here about hypervigilance – the brain goes on permanent alert. An exhausting mechanism that is difficult to sustain in the long term. But the only thing we can do is learn to regulate this emotion.” she says.
Loved ones in a war zone: what to do to get better?
Take breaks… and disconnect
Only micro breathing will allow you to preserve your mental health a little.
“Limiting exposure to shocking images is not escaping reality. It’s just a way of protecting (a little) your nervous system so you can stay upright. Set specific times to check the news and not stay glued to it all day.” advises the practitioner.
Discuss
Another option: surround yourself… and exchange ideas. “Speak, even if you can’t find the words, because anxiety feeds on silence. You have to tell those around you that you are not doing well. That you need support, without necessarily having to tell everything.”
Exercising
Moving your body is also “primordial“, according to the expert. And for that, there is no need to do a series of laps in the pool. Walking or running around the neighborhood is enough to sweat… and boost your morale. “Stress is lodged in the muscles, and movement helps to release it. So even if you don’t feel like it, 10 minutes of sport is enough to free yourself from it,” specifies Amélie Boukhobza.
Give meaning to the wait
Writing, testifying, supporting a cause, organizing local support… So many actions that help give meaning to this expectation.
“We can’t change everything, but we can do something, act and this small detail changes a lot of things. We feel less powerless, less useless too.”
In short, even if the mind struggles to turn away – because no, we never get used to living in fear for those we love – seeking to get better remains vital. For yourself and for others.
“We can prevent this fear from devouring us entirely. And if the anxiety becomes too strong, too constant, too invasive: it is not a weakness to ask for help either. To pour a little somewhere… It is a necessity”, concludes the psychologist.