In love, each story is unique. But when it comes to declaring his feelings, a constant returns to discussions: the fear of saying it too early. According to a study cited by Psychology Todaymen would declare their flame on average after 88 days, against 134 days for women. Another striking figure: 39 % of men say it from the first month, while only 23 % of women take the plunge so quickly. Data that reveals not only a gap in gender temporality, but also the importance of reading the other’s tempo well. And it changes everything.
Is there a perfect timing to say “I love you”?
“”To say I love you to your partner is a very significant moment! The choice of the moment may seem crucial … but it is not necessarily. There is no universal rule to determine the ideal moment“Explains Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist. The feeling has more than the calendar.
Even if emotion overflows, declaring itself too early can have the opposite effect. “”Be careful not to rush! To say I love you prematurely, before I really know your partner, may seem a little too much … it can frighten, or even scare away“, She adds. It is better to wait until you have lived shared experiences, significant moments, so that words echo something real.
The traps to avoid before saying “I love you”
Psychology Today lists the situations where it is better to hold back. A poorly placed “I love” can create discomfort or give the impression of manipulating the other. Here are the circumstances to avoid according to the experts:
- When you are under strong emotion and you lose your lucidity;
- If you say it only out of politeness or habit;
- To furnish an annoying silence;
- If you expect a reaction or an equivalent response;
- Just before, during or after intercourse;
- If your partner has not shown no signs of emotional opening;
- By boredom or lack of something else to say.
What really matters is to be in tune
According to Amélie Boukhobza, the most important is authenticity and emotional connection. “”It already seems essential to me to make sure that what is about to say is sincere and deep. We must also consider the stability of the relationship: a moment when the two partners feel safe and confidence can be more conducive“Underlines the psychologist.
There is therefore no question of calendar, but of shared feelings. The reciprocity signals can serve as benchmarks: tender gestures, mutual involvement, two projects. And if the moment is well chosen, out of tumult and looks, there is a good chance that it marks the history of the couple.
“”In summary, there is no good or bad time to say I love you. Everyone does well as they feel, at their own pace and according to their own dynamics. The main thing is to be sincere, to feel ready and to choose a pretty moment …“Concludes Amélie Boukhobza.