“The subject is vast” Recognizes psychologist Siyana Milnéva from the start. Behind this choice of staying with an unfaithful partner, are often hidden much deeper mechanisms than love itself.
Fear of loneliness, family pressures, emotional dependence … Few are those which remain only “by choice”. And this paradox raises a real question: what really prevents us from leaving?
What holds you sometimes has nothing to do with your partner
Many believe that they remain by weakness or by hope. But in fact, it is often fear that decides.
“”The person cannot leave their partner for several reasons: fear of loneliness, fear of putting limits, emotional dependence, limiting and cultural beliefs … “ details Siyana Miméva. Added to this are the well -concrete constraints of everyday life: children, mortgage, life projects woven for two …
Social pressure also plays a major role. “”The partner often thinks that he or she must remain for the well-being of children, even in the event of infidelity “ adds the psychologist. A reasoning which may seem noble but which is often counterproductive.
“The children are very receptive and will quickly feel that in the couple there are important tensions. They understand fairly quickly if their mother or their father is not comfortable in the couple relationship.”
Stay despite everything: a question of identity more than a couple
It is not always the love that makes it remain. It is often the image you have of yourself, the gaze of others, the fear of failure, or even feeling of not being able to start everything again.
“”In reality, there is nothing to do with anyone. If we are not happy and our partner does not make us happy or happy, it is time to learn to respect and create life as we wanted“Says Siyana Milnéva.
Staying becomes a way of avoiding too brutal a questioning. “”In most cases, it is fear that occupies a much too large place and does not allow the person to set up their reasoning“.
And these fears or these beliefs are of different orders:
- The fear of loneliness or a vague future;
- The belief that staying is “better for children”;
- Emotional or material dependence;
- Fear of social or family gaze;
- The hope of rebuilding despite everything.
Reconstructing after infidelity, is it really possible?
But should we always flee? For Siyana Milnéva, it all depends on the context. Because yes, in some cases, staying is not necessarily a denial. It can also be a lucid decision.
“We can also be more optimistic. In the event of infidelity, if the partner is in the process of realizing the deception and asks for forgiveness, the couple will then seek to repair in a reciprocal way”.
Everything is based on honesty, questioning, and above all, the mutual desire to change. “”We are not perfect, but if everyone questions themselves in the name of the well-being of the couple, I think it is possible to restore a stronger link than before ” assures the expert.
It is therefore neither black nor white. But a question of accuracy, introspection, and courage. “”The idea is to follow yourself, to listen to yourself, to know yourself, to be connected to yourself “ she concludes. And above all, not to stay out of fear, but out of conviction.