There is a “love that burns, makes the heart beat faster … and the one that makes you grow. But how to know if the feelings you feel are really deep, or just dictated by the euphoria of the beginning? The author and expert in relations Jordan Gray, known for his interventions on the media Your tangoexplains that many people come to consult him with the same question: how to recognize a sincere and lasting love? To answer it, it offers a simple, but formidably effective grid.
The love that makes you free or the one who encloses you?
In the beginnings of a relationship, emotions are often intense, sometimes even stunning. But these sensations can hide an attachment based on need rather than generosity. “”When you really like someone, in a pure and unattached way, you feel a deep desire to offer them the best. If you are in partnership with this person, your mission is to help them grow and flourish as much as possible. And if you are not related to her (because you have never been or you are no longer), you always encourage her from afar and you want her to be as free and expansive as possible“says the specialist.
A exploding passion or an attachment that matures?
Certain romantic relationships give the impression of living on roller coaster, with euphoria peaks and vertiginous falls. Jordan Gray recalls that studies show that this type of intense love reaches a summit between six and twelve months, before stirring. Conversely, a sincere love is built slowly, stable. What he calls “love companion” is long -term and promotes shared growth. It is no longer a question of stopping at the first phase of the romantic relationship.
What is left after the passion is dissipated?
The last question may be the most revealing. When the enthusiasm of the beginning falls, as the habits settle down, the real bases of the relationship are revealed. “”So, if you notice that your romantic feelings fade quickly after leaving the initial craze phase, then you were probably only ‘in love’“, warns the expert. For him, true love does not disappear with the routine: he deepens.
“”He makes the person you love more than he has ever been. He helps her get closer to his authentic self and move away from his masks, his thoughts like “I should” and his compromises“Concludes Jordan Gray. To meditate before saying” I love you “.