Do you love your loved ones, but entertaining at home exhausts you? Need for calm, fear of being judged or simple desire to preserve your privacy: this refusal can have several explanations. For Spanish psychiatrist Marian Rojas, saying no to visits can even be a way to protect your mental health.
When home becomes a refuge
In the Argentinian daily La Nación, the home is presented as a refuge where one can finally reduce demands after a day full of meetings, transport and screens. These moments spent alone, when chosen, can help you process your emotions and find others more peacefully.
Not wanting to invite someone into your home does not necessarily mean wanting to move away from them.
The mental burden linked to reception can also be heavy. The Psychologies.com site reminds us that you must prepare the accommodation, provide food and drink, keep the conversation going, then tidy up once the guests have left. A succession of tasks that requires energy, especially when you already manage a large part of the household responsibilities.
Introversion, intimacy, anxiety, what this refusal can reveal
For some people, this desire to stay at home is simply explained by a tendency towards introversion.
For others, it’s mostly intimacy that matters. Bringing someone into your home also means showing your home, your habits and sometimes your disorder. Enough to give the impression of being observed or judged.
Psychologist Luz María Peña also talks about the loss of control of the setting and the effort necessary to remain available, friendly and attentive to one’s guests. When this apprehension is accompanied by social anxiety, some people may end up refusing more and more visits.
The relief felt after saying no can then strengthen the mechanism. The brain associates avoidance with an immediate reduction in discomfort, which can prompt you to do it again.
How to set your limits without cutting yourself off from others?
It is possible to preserve your need for calm without breaking your connection with your loved ones. Start by setting your own limits: how often do you want to receive? Do you need to be notified in advance? How long can a visit last?
You can then express them simply: “Right now, I’m tired, I’d rather we meet outside” Or
“I like seeing you, but at home, I prefer short visits”. Proposing another way to get together allows you to set a limit while maintaining the relationship.
Finally, allow yourself some recovery time after social time. A shower, a few pages of reading or simply some quiet time may be enough. If these periods of solitude feel good and you continue to enjoy certain interactions, it is more about chosen solitude than isolation.