“Come on, just a little drink”, “it’s just an aperitif”, “you’re exaggerating, we have to celebrate the New Year”… Every January, the same scene replays itself: Dry January is accompanied by derogatory remarks, while it offers us the opportunity to take a break from alcohol. An ambivalence that Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, regrets: “If this January challenge allows our body to breathe, there is always someone to make a comment, to label you as a killjoy”,
she admits. Fortunately, it is possible to rebuff these clumsy relatives with a firm posture and a few key phrases.
Don’t argue
Faced with the reflections that arise, the first reflex is often to argue: “Dr. January is not boring. It just makes me feel better…“But in reality, we shouldn’t have to justify ourselves.
“Saying no does not mean telling your life story. Everyone makes their own choices, no need to argue. A no is enough. Because the more we explain, the more we open the door to negotiation. Whereas, very often, a clear no inspires more respect than a too polite no. We can say for example: ‘No thank you, I’m not drinking this month’. Period. No medical justification, no talk about the liver, no promise for next month”, advises Amélie Boukhobza.
Adopt the right tone and look at others
According to the psychologist, tone plays a central role. Indeed, it is not the refusal that makes you uncomfortable, but the hesitation. “Saying something unsaid with confidence does not create discomfort. He can reveal one in another. But that’s not your problem.” she recalls. The expert also recommends speaking calmly, smiling and looking at the other person. “In summary, don’t cut yourself off from the world just because you don’t drink alcohol. We can drink something else, after all.” she emphasizes. “Also, don’t apologize for existing and don’t defend yourself. Your inner tranquility is at stake here and now”, confirms the practitioner.
Anticipate… and set the framework from the start
Sometimes anticipation helps too. “Social situations are full of little implicit traps, such as a drink already served, a group tour, an impromptu toast. specifies the specialist. To better cope with this, remember to already have a non-alcoholic drink in hand and take your orders yourself.
“Set the framework from the beginning, simply – “Tonight, I’m alcohol-free” – because when the framework is set, it is rarely questioned,” admits Amélie Boukhobza.
Hold your position without attacking
Finally, there is perhaps something else to be heard in these remarks. “They often talk more about others than about themselves. From their relationship to alcohol, to the norm, to conviviality… and sometimes to frustration. To hold your position without attacking is to refuse to enter into this game.” recalls the psychologist.
“You can remain yourself, sociable, present, funny – even without alcohol. And sometimes, without wanting to, this also makes others want to do the same!” concludes the specialist.