The holidays act as powerful memory triggers. Rituals and other traditions reactivate past emotional experiences stored in the brain. And especially when these moments involved attachment figures.
If you shared warm moments the previous year with your ex, your brain replays these scenes very clearly.
This feeling you feel is not necessarily a sign of rediscovered love: it is your physiology which reacts to stored emotional memories. “Holiday memories trigger nostalgia that can make an ex seem more desirable than they are.confirms psychologist Pascal Anger.
Seasonal loneliness and attachment activation
In addition, the holidays amplify the emphasis on relationships: couples, families who come together, friends who meet again. If you are single or if the breakup is recent, this social comparison can increase loneliness. Without forgetting the possible comments from those around you about the fact that you are alone…
Studies show that loneliness activates the same neural systems associated with physical pain, intensifying our desire for emotional safety. Our brain then tends to make a mistake by identifying the ex as the last source of warmth and security.
In this context, reconnection is often motivated by a need for seasonal comfort rather than a real change in the initial situation.
The impact of stress and alcohol on our decisions
The holidays also bring stress and, often, increased alcohol consumption, both of which impair our ability to make rational decisions.
- Holiday stress: it reduces our emotional capacity and access to executive functions (long-term thinking, good judgment). Under stress, decision-making becomes more reactive.
- Alcohol: it disrupts the functioning of the frontal lobe, responsible for reasoning and evaluating consequences. Under the influence, “alcohol lowers judgment, increasing impulsive messages or calls to an ex“, warns the psychologist.
Reconnection: seasonal desire or real opportunity?
Before considering reconnecting, it’s crucial to distinguish between a simple bout of seasonal blues and a genuine opportunity.
Ask yourself the right questions:
- Does the desire to reconnect only appear during the holidays, only to fade away afterwards? ;
- Were the initial reasons for the breakup addressed and resolved in a meaningful way, or simply ignored and romanticized? ;
- Have there been constant changes in both partners, not just seasonal emotional spikes?
Pascal Anger insists on the need to focus on the future. “Breaking up is always a complicated process but we must find solutions in the future, not in the past.”
What should you do if you receive an unexpected “Happy Holidays”?
Receiving a message from an ex during the holidays is common. If this happens, take a break. And before answering, ask yourself:
- Why did we break up, and have these conditions really changed? ;
- Does responding bring clarity or chaos into my life? ;
- Am I reacting out of loneliness, nostalgia, or genuine relational interest?
The psychologist is formal. “It is essential to calm your enthusiasm and think before responding. If you have the ability to respond to this type of message without getting too upset and feeling sad, do so.”
It is possible to respond in a courteous and optimistic manner, with relaxation and a step aside, “and not to get the person back” he assures.
Otherwise, don’t respond and focus on yourself. “To move forward, you must heal from your wounds of abandonment and rejection, through better self-confidence, by better understanding what drives you.”he concludes.