What if you could finally free yourself from the fear of failing? A psychologist gives you sound advice to regain self-confidence.
When the fear of failure stifles daily enthusiasm
Fear of not being up to par, of disappointing, of not doing well enough… These apprehensions, familiar to many, can sometimes take root to the point of blocking all momentum. “We sometimes lacked self-confidence, grew up with adults who did not support or encourage us“, explains Pascal Anger, psychologist. “Perhaps, too, trials and tribulations have come before us and we have failed to overcome them. So, we gave up and told ourselves the worst (‘I’m the problem’). However, this worst makes us vulnerable and can stop any personal momentum.“.
This fear, often silent, mobilizes considerable energy. It confines, exhausts, prevents learning and growing. “It shows that we want to go too quickly: we would like to be big before having accepted being small“, he explains.
Behind each blockage lie old wounds, poorly digested comparisons, or a too harsh view of oneself.
Family scars, a ground where fear takes root
Childhood is often the first mirror of these fears. Comparison plays a major role here. “Telling a child that ‘his sister is better than him’ will not help him develop or get out of the impasse.“, confirms the psychologist. In these innocuous words lies a lasting injury.
For Pascal Anger, it is essential to relearn how to see disappointments not as failures, but as stages of learning. “What do we actually call ‘failure’? It is not because we repeat a grade that we are worth less than others. Each child thinks and advances differently and the environment plays a big role (parental divorce, happy childhood or not, etc.)“.
These experiences, sometimes painful, shape self-perception and nourish patterns that are repeated in adulthood.
Learn to tame fear and reconnect with yourself
Faced with these fears, the first instinct is not to fight them, but to learn to listen to them. “If they repeat themselves too often, if we can no longer move forward, it may be useful to consult. The important thing is not to let yourself be locked into these fears and to congratulate yourself for each project completed successfully.“, advises the psychologist.
Parents, too, have a crucial role: promoting progress, encouraging effort rather than results. “We must help him to get out of it, to break with this ‘neurosis of failure’“, he insists. Behind this strong expression hides a call for kindness, the kind that we first learn to give to ourselves.
Some people were stigmatized very early and end up conforming to this role of eternal loser. However, recalls Pascal Anger, “no one is failing everywhere. We need to change our outlook on ourselves: ‘I’m going to get there’ rather than ‘I’ll never get there’“.
And to add, as a promise: “By cultivating the positive, we move forward. And after several failures, we will always succeed in the end. The biggest enemy, deep down, is often yourself“.