According to some experts, going to bed “angry” would prevent forgetting the negative events of the day before. Concretely, we would wake up tired, disappointed or sad and always upset by the argument. It is better to say his four truths before going to bed? Not necessarily, indicates Pascal Anger, psychologist and author of the book The couple and the other (Harmattan editions).
Sulk in bed: a risky reflex
Among some, the argument before sleep is similar to a well -established habit. The problem ? “Sleeping uphill changes the way your brain organizes it in your memory, making it more difficult to cancel associations and negative memories”reveals a study published in the journal Nature. “This can lead you to dwell on the situation and make it a much more important problem (…)”continue the researchers.
Result: getting angry could strengthen resentment towards your spouse upon waking up. But this idea is questioned by new specialists.
Too much emotions, a bad adviser
It is understandable to want to settle a conflict before sleeping, but hoping for immediate resolution is often illusory. “We believe here a little too much in fairy tale”warns Samantha Whiten, clinical psychologist in Maryland.
According to her, couples should not try to discuss when they are “emotionally unbalanced “. It refers to the acronym Hart, often used in therapy: avoid any discussion when we are Hungry (hungry), Angry (angry), Lonely (alone) or Tired (fatigue).
In addition, many consume alcohol in the evening, which accentuates impulsiveness. “Couples are therefore more likely to say or do impulsive things that they could regret later”she underlines.
The expert encourages partners to take the time to reconcile – an opinion shared by Pascal Anger.
The night is advice
“We fear that by going to the angry bed, something serious happens and that reconciliation did not happen. It is better to say to the other:” The night is advice ‘and take the time to think, without ruminating or feeling guilty. You can snuggle up against each other and decide to resume the conversation tomorrow morning, a little earlier, to solve the problem “advises the psychologist.
However, he warns: “Unclean quarrels can end badly … the important thing is to communicate and know how to reconcile, without doing the ostrich”.