Everything was planned to have a good time for two … until divergent desires, frustrations and unsaid invited themselves into the suitcases. Because if the holidays are supposed to offer a moment of respite, they can also reveal – or accentuate – imbalances in the couple. Organization that is too millimeter or on the contrary too improvised, poorly shared romantic expectations, budget or time management … These long -awaited stays can quickly turn to the battlefield for two. So that relaxation does not rhyme with tensions, couple therapists deliver their concrete and applicable advice before even luggage.
When one wants to relax and the other go on an adventure
Abigail Makepeace, conjugal therapist in Los Angeles, often finds it: holidays crystallize two opposite visions of rest. Some swear by the beach and nap days, when others dream only of hiking, activities and discoveries. However, these differences can quickly lead to frustrations or arguments. To prevent this, she advises to discuss well in advance of the journey of everyone’s expectations. “Agree on the activities to be done together and also leave room for your individual desires“, she recommends. The compromise may look like an afternoon reading while the other tries to via Ferrata. The main thing: do not do everything together, but find a balance between shared moments and personal breaths.
When one plans everything and the other prefers to improvise
The question of organization is another conflict nest. Some couples come up against the reservation: one wants to anticipate everything, from restaurants to museums, while the other dream of spontaneity. “”During the holidays, many want to flee their usual schedule, but too much improvisation can lead to frustrations“, Explains Brianne Billups Hughes, marital therapist in California. Between failed reservations, unforeseen queues or full places, improvisation can turn into a galley. Hence the interest of landing together before departure to decide on priorities. A part of the stay can be framed, the other left more free. And if a restaurant is complete, it can also become an opportunity to improvise a picnic at the edge of water.
When romantic expectations are not shared
For some, the holidays represent a dream moment to reconnect, revive the flame, create memories for two. For others, they are an opportunity to rest or spend time with other relatives. Relationship coach Aaron Steinberg warns against unplamed expectations. “”When expectations are not satisfied, they quickly turn into anger or sadness, and lead to arguments“, he observes. He recommends talking about his desires upstream: romantic evenings, moments of intimacy, surprises, need for calm … This little exchange can defuse many misunderstandings and allow everyone to anticipate the pace of the stay, by meeting the emotional needs of the other.
When the budget becomes a angry subject
Whether it’s a Van weekend or two weeks at the hotel, money remains a trigger for tensions in couples. “”Conflicts often arise from disagreement on what is acceptable to spend on meals, accommodation or activities“, Note Brianne Billups Hughes. The gap may be widening if the one spends more and assumes a large part of the costs, while the other brakes for economic reasons or in principle. The therapist advises to establish a global budget before leaving, with clear envelopes for the main positions. We must also approach the question of the equitable distribution of expenses, while keeping a little flexibility to please the other. A little expensive or an improvised restaurant can also have a lot of emotional value.