After spending an excellent evening, punctuated by laughter and a feeling of mutual understanding, you go back to bed with a light heart. But the next day, no news from this person who made you vibrate so much the day before. This sudden silence often leaves a mixture of misunderstanding and questioning. As the psychologist Amélie Boukhobza points out, “The worst part is that this type of behavior seems to become more and more common “.
Why is ghosting after a date so confusing?
No longer hearing a potential partner is what is called ghosting. But it does not only concern romantic relationships, even if this term is mainly used in this type of situation.
Amélie Boukhobza says: “I hear it all the time in consultation, especially among women, who tell me that after a date when everything seemed a priori to happen, the other disappeared without a word”.
What are the reasons that explain a ghosting, when everything was fine?
The reasons vary. Sometimes the other did not feel the expected click, or his personal life does not allow to follow up. Other times, it is a pure avoidance, as the psychologist points out. “”Not knowing how to say “I don’t want to continue ‘translates into a easier act: we disappear“.
The problem, according to the psychologist, is that this silence pushes to imagine scenarios, often to the detriment of oneself.
Should you relaunch or directly turn the page?
Faced with this silence, the temptation to relaunch can arise. Amélie Boukhobza recommends a measured approach: send a simple and light message, only once, “Not to convince, but to be clear”. If the person does not answer, it is that they made their choice, and “His silence already says everything“She recalls.
This clarity makes it possible to regain control over the situation. Not to insist is also to preserve your emotional energy and protect yourself from an already wobbly dynamic.
How to rebuild your self -confidence after a ghosting?
The key to getting forward is not to interpret ghosting as a personal questioning. “It is not a validation of our value. This is mainly speaking of the operating mode of the other“, Recalls the psychologist. And above all, this mode of operation,”We don’t want to undergo it any longer. “
Returning to activities that do good, spending time with friends, regaining confidence in exchanges, allows you to put into perspective. After all, a meeting that stops there, “That’s right: a meeting that was not for us. Next! “ she concludes.