A cold shower. In a testimony to the American media Slatea woman tells how she learned that her supposedly asexual husband remained “active” in front of pornographic sites. Is it necessarily to be taken personally?
It avoids conjugal intimacy, but masturbates in front of films
Married for three years, the woman who testifies to anonymously admits it quickly: their couple is not built on sex. In three years, intimate moments are counted on the fingers of one hand. A few weeks earlier, her husband had announced to him to be asexual, even leaving him the possibility of living his life elsewhere. But then when the woman puts sides
Té discovers her husband in action in front of pornographic videos, it is misunderstanding. This revelation, followed by this stolen intimate scene, left the young woman in great confusion: can we be asexual and have solo sexuality? Is sexual desire necessarily directed towards the other?
Asexuality and sexuality: a current misunderstanding
At first glance, the situation seems contradictory. However, as Angela Chen, author of the book explains Ace: What asexuality reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sexasexuality does not mean the absence of libido or sexual excitement, but rather a lack or a lack of sexual attraction towards others.
The Sexologist Paolo Furgiuele confirms:
“Asexuality is a full -fledged sexual orientation. It can include sexual practices, in particular solo. Some asexual people may feel sexual pleasure, but do not wish to share it with a partner. Others use porn to release a tension or out of habit, without desire for real intimacy.”
In other words, excitement is not synonymous with attraction. This may explain that some asexuals consume pornographic content or masturbate, without having sexual desire towards their spouse or any other person.
When pain is born from silence
But beyond definitions, the real problem here is not as much asexuality as the lack of dialogue. In this couple, one of the two people suffer deeply from a lack of intimacy, recognition and sharing. She feels rejected, even betrayed, faced with a behavior that she does not understand and that we do not explain to her. And when transparency is lacking, doubt settles.
Furgio paolo insists:
“What I often say is that sexuality is not an obligation. But it is not a detail either, especially when one of the partners feels the need. In these situations, we must be able to ask the real questions: what do we need? What form of intimacy suits us? Do we really accept the other as it is?”
Only one solution: talk to yourself (or get help)
This type of situation, even if it remains rare, reveals a deep tension between two conceptions of life for two. When silence or vagueness creates suffering, consulting a sexologist or a couple therapist can help to clarify expectations, without accusation or judgment.
Whether it is a real asexual orientation, deeper discomfort or avoidance, nothing can evolve without a mutual will to understand and advance together or separately. In case of suffering, do not wait for the distance to become fracture: dare to speak, and why not, consult.