We readily imagine closing the door without turning around after discovering a deception. Packing your bags, moving on and rebuilding your life elsewhere seems to be the most natural reaction. However, when infidelity breaks out, many people decide to continue their relationship. This choice often intrigues those around you. Is it a proof of love, a lack of self-confidence or simply a fear that is difficult to overcome? For psychologist Siyana Mincheva, the explanations are numerous and go far beyond the framework of romantic feelings.
Why do some people stay after infidelity?
The specialist explains that the obstacles at the start are sometimes more powerful than the suffering caused by deception.
“The person cannot leave their partner for several reasons: fear of loneliness, fear of setting limits, emotional dependence, limiting and cultural beliefs, etc.“
Added to these psychological difficulties are very concrete realities such as the presence of children, a mortgage or projects built together over the years. Social pressure also weighs in the balance. “The partner very often thinks that he or she must stay for the well-being of the children, even in the event of infidelity.“, underlines Siyana Mincheva.
However, this idea is far from trivial. “Children are very receptive and will quickly sense that there are significant tensions within the couple. They understand fairly quickly if their mother or father is not comfortable in the relationship.“, she recalls.
Rebuilding your relationship after cheating, is it possible?
For some people, staying is not only linked to family or material circumstances. It can also be a question of identity, of looking at oneself or of fear of starting a new life.
“In reality, we don’t owe anyone anything. If we are not happy and our partner does not make us happy, it is time to learn to respect ourselves and create the life we want.“, says the psychologist.
According to her, apprehension of the unknown often takes over thinking. “In most cases, it is fear that occupies far too much space and does not allow the person to put their reasoning in place.“
However, infidelity does not necessarily mean the end of a story. “We can also be more optimistic. In the event of infidelity, if the partner realizes the deception and asks for forgiveness, the couple will then seek to repair each other in a reciprocal manner.“
Reconstruction then requires effort on both sides, honesty and sincere questioning. “We are not perfect, but if everyone questions themselves in the name of the well-being of the couple, I think it is possible to reestablish a stronger bond than before.“, estimates the expert.
For those going through this ordeal, one idea remains essential: “The idea is to follow yourself, to listen to yourself, to know yourself, to be connected to yourself.“